"Teaching your kids (girls) to not fight over long hair" DISCUSSION

[Missi]

I woke up and thought of a topic we all can discuss: cuz i'm curious to know now how some of yall would feel about this.

For parents and non-parents: do u think its necessary to teach young girls to not fight another girl because her hair is long. We all went through that stage when we were younger and it was that one 'ethnic' girl with long hair. Of course it was someone to say "oh well she think she all that"......all over longer hair and a fight happens during recess.

Now do u think its necessary to tell your girls: if they had short hair: "now there are girls w/ long hair in school. You can't get jealous or want to fight them"???????

If you girl(s) had long hair: would you say "you'll probably have some of the longest hair out of the black girls in your class. Some of them are not going to like you because they are jealous".....

how would you handle the situations or say to your girls??????

 

[Leslie_C]

Personally I would hope that I will have raised my girls to know how to behave like a lady and not be fighting over ANYTHING, not a hair, not a boy, nothing. Proper home training should take care of that before it even happens. Ive never been in a fight in my whole life. I was the target of some mean girls growing up, but I never actually fought over any of it. I was always taught Id better not get into any fights unless it was self defense...lol.

There is always going to be something other girls will be jealous of...something they dont have that someone else does...whether its clothes, hair, a boy..whatever. But these girls should be taught early on to carry themselves like a lady in general.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Both my daughters have had very long hair. My oldest just cut hers recently, it's APL and my baby girl is 10 and her hair is waistlenght. Neither one of them has ever had any problems with other girls hating on their hair because I've taught them "not" to focus on their hair, and I've always had them wear age-appropriate hair styles so as not to "flaunt" the length of their hair.

Most times the only comment they get from their classmates is that they want to know if they have hair weaves. I think if they had the attitude like they think they are all that because they have long hair, then they would have been confronted with haters. But because they have been taught that they are "more than just their hair" they haven't had any problems and I haven't had to teach them about how to confront jealous as far as their hair is concerned.

I think it's all in the attitude, if you think you're better than everyone else because you have long hair, then kids will pick up on that and not like it.

 

[lisana]

It's really not about the hair though. It's about self-esteem, self-love, thinking you are not good enough and if only YOU had this or that you would be worthy. So you really have to take it to understand it on that level, as a parent, before you could even begin to show your girls why fighting over hair is wrong.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Both my daughters have had very long hair. My oldest just cut hers recently, it's APL and my baby girl is 10 and her hair is waistlenght. Neither one of them has ever had any problems with other girls hating on their hair because I've taught them "not" to focus on their hair, and I've always had them wear age-appropriate hair styles so as not to "flaunt" the length of their hair.

Most times the only comment they get from their classmates is that they want to know if they have hair weaves. I think if they had the attitude like they think they are all that because they have long hair, then they would have been confronted with haters. But because they have been taught that they are "more than just their hair" they haven't had any problems and I haven't had to teach them about how to confront jealous as far as their hair is concerned.

I think it's all in the attitude, if you think you're better than everyone else because you have long hair, then kids will pick up on that and not like it.

I agree with you 1000% My daughter is only 5 so thankfully we don't have any hair issues to deal with right now besides her fighting me over how i style it Right now i am just focusing on showing her i love my hair and her hair however i/we decide to wear it (wash n go, straight, twists, ponytail, whatever). I want her to be proud and accept what she has, but also not make it a big deal or big focus point of who she is as a person.

 

[Missi]

great points ladies: i was taught that I BETTER NOT GET INTO ANY FIGHT growing up or that was a butt whopin for me: Lol. honeycomb: can i be ur daughter too so u can care for my hair? LMAO

 

[Eisani]

It's really not about the hair though. It's about self-esteem, self-love, thinking you are not good enough and if only YOU had this or that you would be worthy. So you really have to take it to understand it on that level, as a parent, before you could even begin to show your girls why fighting over hair is wrong.

ITA. Empowerment, all the way. With my daughter, I try to focus on empowering her to love and embrace what makes her beautiful but also learn to see it in others. No, you can't control what the next person feels/thinks, but you can make sure you're doing everything YOU know to stay positive. There are always going t/b nay sayers, even as adults (we already know) but that shouldn't stop you from doing you. As far as fighting, if it ain't self-defense ! I developed the mind-frame in high school (because of the type of stuff this thread is about) "I'm too fly for that ish" and that's still how I feel! We have to make sure our girls feel that way as well. So what if your hair is ear length and ol' girls is tail bone, that don't make her swagger better than yours! It's all about confidence and self-appreciation.

 

[fluffylocks]

I've actually thought about this because i want a little girl one day, and i know her hair will be long since i will know how to take care of it.

I do remember girls saying "that girl think she all that because she got long hair" and people would dislike her, and that would lead to fights later. I remeber someone saying that about me when i was younger & pulling my hair, one girl actually cut a peice of my hair, another ripped a section out from the scalp.


I told myself i was going to tell my daughter a couple of things about hair
--Long hair does not make you better or prettier than girls with short hair, that beauty is on the inside.
--Dont ever say anything mean to any girls with short hair (i've seen that)
--And i will tell her about the use of the word "nappy", all about natural hair and relaxed, and about how her natural hair is beautifull, and all about the "good hair/bad hair" thing.

I also told myself that when i have alittle girl, and if she has black female classmates with damaged hair or whatever that i would try to inform the mother & possibly do their hair.....my mom use to do that, my mom grew my hair long by washing it every week, twisting it up, and lotioning & greasing it daily....and she would always offer to do the hair of my other classmates that had short hair & to help grow it out, I used to be jeoulus when i was little that all of these girls were having my mom do their hair, but now of course i know that was a nice thing, and i think it will be even better now that I/we actually really know about hair, and to spread that knowledge, i think that will lead to less tension in the classrooms & more black girls w/long hair.

 

[shynessqueen]

My daughter is 8 years old. She has been with the same class/ teachers for the last three year. Most of the girls in her class have long hair. My daughter hair is always in braids, which make her hair look shorter. Besides my daughter has a beautiful personalty. She is the peace maker in her class. Always trying to get people to be nice to each other. Right now her class mates don't care about who has long hair because like I said, most of them have long hair and their parents keep their hair in braids too.


It's the lil girls in my DD family that I'm worry about.

 

[ladylibra]

boy can i relate to this topic... cuz i WAS one of those black girls with long hair... when i started 5th grade, all my elementary schoolmates went to the magnet jr. high in our neighborhood, but i went to a better one in a different school district because my grandma taught there. so i knew no one and already felt alienated... and to make things worse, i had long hair. no black girl in that school would be friends with me, of course i was too naive to know why. then a bad stylist burnt off my relaxed hair with an old-school pressing comb, and my auntie (who wasn't a licensed stylist at the time) cut my hair into a cute little bob. the next time i went to school, all the black girls were talking to me, asking what happened to my hair. now all of a sudden they wanted to be my friends. i kept cutting my hair for years after that because i didn't want to be ostracized or hated on by women of my own race. this is also very closely related to my post the other day about the compliment i overheard... now that my hair is "long" again, i get a lot more bad treatment from black women.

i also hate it when women make fun of other women with short hair. some women LIKE having short hair... and others maybe had something unfortunate happen or don't know how to take care of it. it kills me that they usually only have 2 more inches of hair than the woman they are making fun of, or a bad tacky weave. and all that "nappy-headed" garbage... using it like a curse word, like having nappy hair is the worst thing ever, second only to dark skin. too much self-hatred going on in our community. but i digress...

i think it is downright ridiculous how catty some females can behave for no daggone reason.

 

[Yellowflowers]

boy can i relate to this topic... cuz i WAS one of those black girls with long hair... when i started 5th grade, all my elementary schoolmates went to the magnet jr. high in our neighborhood, but i went to a better one in a different school district because my grandma taught there. so i knew no one and already felt alienated... and to make things worse, i had long hair. no black girl in that school would be friends with me, of course i was too naive to know why. then a bad stylist burnt off my relaxed hair with an old-school pressing comb, and my auntie (who wasn't a licensed stylist at the time) cut my hair into a cute little bob. the next time i went to school, all the black girls were talking to me, asking what happened to my hair. now all of a sudden they wanted to be my friends. i kept cutting my hair for years after that because i didn't want to be ostracized or hated on by women of my own race. this is also very closely related to my post the other day about the compliment i overheard... now that my hair is "long" again, i get a lot more bad treatment from black women.

i also hate it when women make fun of other women with short hair. some women LIKE having short hair... and others maybe had something unfortunate happen or don't know how to take care of it. it kills me that they usually only have 2 more inches of hair than the woman they are making fun of, or a bad tacky weave. and all that "nappy-headed" garbage... using it like a curse word, like having nappy hair is the worst thing ever, second only to dark skin. too much self-hatred going on in our community. but i digress...

i think it is downright ridiculous how catty some females can behave for no daggone reason.

Sad but true.