What do you do when everyone around you is discouraging? (long)

[delitefulmane]

How rude!!

Oh I need to vent. I am natural... 4b Im sure. And that is how I have been wearing my hair recently. Before I would flat iron it like every week but now I have vowed to ease off on using so much heat. But today on of my friends said "As your friend, I need to tell you that your hair looks a mess!" I mean I appreciate her "telling" me this but this is MY HEAD. Why do people think that there is something wrong with having "black hair." Man!! It just infuriates me everytime we, as black people, put each other down because of a feature that God gave us. Ladies.. I need a hug and a little support in staying natural. I am seriously considering texlaxing.

 

[TriniStarr]

here go...............DO I NEED TO COME OUT OF THIS BUSINESS AND GET GHETTO WITH HOMEGIRL??????????????censored:

NOBODY PUT MY LHCF SISTER DOWN IN REGARDS TO HER HAIR, I MEAN NOBODY!!!! WE LIFT EACH UP!

 

[Mook's hair]

Here's a hug {{{{{you}}}}}


I think sometimes people like your friend feel like they are just being honest and helpful.

I'm also in need of hugs because I'm struggling with my transition and my hair actually does look a mess today. I'm wearing a very ugly & sloppy bun because I can't get the comb through my thickazz hurr.

My husband gave me the stank eye today and that made me want to go texlax. NOTE: he is normally very supportive and I actually do look jacked today.

Do you think your hair looked a mess? Have you had better days as a natural or was she honestly just being Stank because she is used to seeing your hair flat ironed? You have to decide what you want your hair to look like and what you think is beautiful on you. She may just have to get used to seeing you with the new fluffier fuller natural hair.

Or you could just tell her off and speed up her learning process


Just tell me what you need whispered in your ear...'caus I can be that angel on your left shoulder or that devil on your right shoulder, Just say the word.

 

[PanamasOwn]

I COMPLETELY understand the way you feel......I just posted about this last week..and that comment was coming from my SO (((OUCH)))......

The things that helped me re-focus was looking towards the final product, looking at hair idols, and inspirational words from the ladies here that have gone through a simialr scenario. I too was 2 sec. away from texlaxing, but then I thought, I would be cheating myself if I didnt at least give a good two years... Trust me I understand your fustration....PM if you want to talk some more...

In the meantime... (HUGS)

 

[Cloud06]

Why when you wear your God given hair ppl look at you like you a tack head? IDK. . but It doesn't matter what others think of your hair cuz you have very healthy looking hair and so what its a fro' I bet when you straighten it it looks twice as nice anybody you know! Keep your head up! and swing dem locks on da haters!

 

[HAIRapy]

BIG HUGS!! I would tell them to mind their own business. The one line that I use is "Oh, so are you gonna give me the money to get my hair done?" It's funny that you mention this. Today, while at work, a lady I work with had straightened her hair and a male coworker said to me "Now why can't you do that" I gave him that line and shut him right up! After they give me that you must be crazy look, I say "Alright then!" It works every time

 

[1QTPie]

First I'd ask her if she is saying that because my hair is nappy or if it really looks messy. Some of us are still confused, so give her a slight pass.

I can't imagine that your hair looks a mess though, I have seen your album and I think it's pretty, I can guarantee it's just as pretty when it's not straight.

 

[Jakibro]

As your friend she could've found a better way to say that! Some people get what i like to call too damn familiar! She probably thought as your friend she could say that and it wouldn't no thang,Maybe you should talk to her,if not let it be, but address it firmly the next time she says it... because unfortunatley she will, I don't think she realized how much that bothered you!

 

[Galadriel]

Re: How rude!!

Oh I need to vent. I am natural... 4b Im sure. And that is how I have been wearing my hair recently. Before I would flat iron it like every week but now I have vowed to ease off on using so much heat. But today on of my friends said "As your friend, I need to tell you that your hair looks a mess!" I mean I appreciate her "telling" me this but this is MY HEAD. Why do people think that there is something wrong with having "black hair." Man!! It just infuriates me everytime we, as black people, put each other down because of a feature that God gave us. Ladies.. I need a hug and a little support in staying natural. I am seriously considering texlaxing.

I understand how you feel. When I was natural and would wear braidouts or wash n' gos, I swear every "hairdresser" in the neighborhood would hand me their business card and tell me how they'd press my hair nice and straight erplexed. It's annoying. No compliments on how full, thick, and shiny it was, but it was all about how straight they could get it for me.
I like to keep a little hair journal on my computer where I have pictures of inspirational styles that I'd one day like to wear (or could wear right now if I chose). Perhaps something like that would help?
I'm sure there are also plenty of ladies here with great ideas/pics of natural styles.
Also, just getting in touch with your texture and knowing what your hair thrives on and needs is very important in your hair journey, so I definitely applaud you for that.
Even though I've been texlaxed since last year, I do see transitioning back to natural in my future .

 

[Lady Esquire]

Girl, just brush it off. If you are wearing it natural and easing off of the heat, then study fotkis, and get ideas on how to style your natural mane. Purchase hair accessories to dress up your everyday look, i.e. cute scarves, barrettes, flowers, and other adornments. And you're NOT doing this for them, but for you...in order to make this easier and more enjoyable for you, as you wear your natural hair more.

And remember, no matter what you do, there will always be those who criticize.

 

[HAIRapy]

As your friend she could've found a better way to say that! Some people get what i like to call too damn familiar! She probably thought as your friend she could say that and it wouldn't no thang,Maybe you should talk to her,if not let it be, but address it firmly the next time she says it... because unfortunatley she will, I don't think she realized how much that bothered you!

If you don't sound like my mother saying that!! That's what she says about people who say something out of pocket to her. It's true though, just because you have convos and such does not mean you are my TRUE FRIEND. Delite, you do what makes YOU feel good and do YOU, regardless of what others may think. If that means stay natural, do that. If you don't feel that you can stand being totally natural, then texlax, BUT don't do it because of others. You are the star and director of your movie girl, do you!

 

[kellie7777]

tell your friend
to infinity

 

[Lady Esquire]

Some people get what i like to call too damn familiar!

I LOVE THAT!
Sometimes I want to tell folks, "you do not know me that way."
OR
"Opinions are like azzholes, everyone's got one."

 

[delitefulmane]

WOW!! A few words of encouragement can go a long way!! THANX LADIES!! I think someone put a bug in her ear...probably to the affect "As her friend you need to tell her that her hair looks a mess" because it did not sound natural coming from her. I will take what all of you have said into consideration!! THANX AGAIN!!!

 

[SleepyJean]

BIG HUGS!! I would tell them to mind their own business. The one line that I use is "Oh, so are you gonna give me the money to get my hair done?" It's funny that you mention this. Today, while at work, a lady I work with had straightened her hair and a male coworker said to me "Now why can't you do that" I gave him that line and shut him right up! After they give me that you must be crazy look, I say "Alright then!" It works every time

Is this some male coworker as before???? I should probably pm this

 

[SleepyJean]

Re: How rude!!

Oh I need to vent. I am natural... 4b Im sure. And that is how I have been wearing my hair recently. Before I would flat iron it like every week but now I have vowed to ease off on using so much heat. But today on of my friends said "As your friend, I need to tell you that your hair looks a mess!" I mean I appreciate her "telling" me this but this is MY HEAD. Why do people think that there is something wrong with having "black hair." Man!! It just infuriates me everytime we, as black people, put each other down because of a feature that God gave us. Ladies.. I need a hug and a little support in staying natural. I am seriously considering texlaxing.

That's not a friend.

 

[Angelicus]

Hello,

I wish I could give you a hug. I am so dissapointed in your "friend." Whatever you do, don't talk to other people about your hair goals. Very soon your hair will speak for itself. You have beautiful hair already. Jealously is rooted in envy, I tell you. God bless you.

 

[LongHairDreams]

Re: How rude!!

Oh I need to vent. I am natural... 4b Im sure. And that is how I have been wearing my hair recently. Before I would flat iron it like every week but now I have vowed to ease off on using so much heat. But today on of my friends said "As your friend, I need to tell you that your hair looks a mess!" I mean I appreciate her "telling" me this but this is MY HEAD. Why do people think that there is something wrong with having "black hair." Man!! It just infuriates me everytime we, as black people, put each other down because of a feature that God gave us. Ladies.. I need a hug and a little support in staying natural. I am seriously considering texlaxing.

I totally understand. It seems like it takes that one person to make you want to make a change. When I BCd my sister was like "why did you do that?" She made me feel I made a wrong decision. Then I had to come to my scences....this is my hair, not hers!! Hang in there girl. You have a lot of support here.

 

[CHEEKQUEEN]

Awww, I hate when people do that... Just keep your head up and know that you are doing what is best for your hair.

 

[MsCounsel]

Re: How rude!!

Ladies.. I need a hug and a little support in staying natural. I am seriously considering texlaxing.

HERE'S MY RESPONSE TO MOST NONSENSE LIKE THIS:

 

[*Luscious*Locked*Doc]

I just posted something like this last week about girls around me hating on my NG and stretching my relaxer....the minute i said something about my regimen they were on me like wild on rice! Telling me all about what I "should do to my hair xyz..." until I felt like I was drowning in nonsense. I realized that they thought they were doing me a favor by saying all this stuff to me but in reality it just made me feel awful. I did change my hair so that I could look cuter but ultimately it wasn't for them....I'd planned on doing the wig challenge anyway but it just pisses me off when people try to tell you something about your hair and they don't know anything about caring for or maintaining healthy hair let alone growing it long. I even had one girl tell me she'd make fun of me behind my back if I BC'ed and she said and I quote " I think I can tell you this as your "friend"". Shoot with friends like these who needs enemies....:buttkick: I hope for you sake that you don't listen to her and the next time she says something tell her how it made you feel and let her know YOU and nobody else grows the hair on your head. Good luck!

 

[SleepyJean]

Re: How rude!!

HERE'S MY RESPONSE TO MOST NONSENSE LIKE THIS:

 

[Chromia]

Forget about your "friend". There is nothing wrong with natural 4b hair. I am tired of black people who have a problem with black hair.

 

[Jakibro]

And to all of that, when your hair is hanging down your back, beautiful and swanging, she'll be the first heifer asking you how you did it! Keep doing whatcha doin'!
That's how she's gonna look when you don't tell her how you did it! lmao

 

[krissynick]

i want to answer your question but I really want to know how exactly you wore your hair before i answer..

 

[Hair Iam]

You never mind..we love you ..we support you .
Remember you have a goal , every one that goes against the norm goes through this. Your doing this for you not anyone else and people aren't comfortable with change, they like us to stay the same..it makes them feel better about themselves.

As a natural myself , I have heard it all ..what I can tell you is the longer your natural , the more you take other's comments in stride.

 

[delitefulmane]

i want to answer your question but I really want to know how exactly you wore your hair before i answer..

Well I don't know how to describe it but I will try. It was two-strand twisted in the front with the curls coming from them...They were not straight curls but "nappy curls".The top part of my hair I believe is heat damaged b/c it is stringy...even when wet...so the curls stayed. And in the back it was more of my natural texture.