Why do you relax?

[OneInAMillion]

Concerning Manageability: I never saw this as an excuse, rather an easy option when you're in school and don't have time to spend on your hair. When I got to college, many black girls were relaxing and getting $10 doobies. These particular girls had hair that was healthy and growing, which attracted me. I wanted that ease, and mangeability. I must admit, I thought it would be much easier, but it's not as easy as I initially thought. But it's easier for me to handle than my natural texture. I don't know many salons that could get you in and out in an hour and a half, with no appointments. For me, that was easy.

 

[Browndilocks]

I'm a natural right now and I'm LOVING it. But I ain't gonna lie...

if I ever move back to the east coast or any other humidity rich climate, the relaxer is going right back in.

 

[Poohbear]

Concerning Manageability: I never saw this as an excuse, rather an easy option when you're in school and don't have time to spend on your hair. When I got to college, many black girls were relaxing and getting $10 doobies. These particular girls had hair that was healthy and growing, which attracted me. I wanted that ease, and mangeability. I must admit, I thought it would be much easier, but it's not as easy as I initially thought. But it's easier for me to handle than my natural texture. I don't know many salons that could get you in and out in an hour and a half, with no appointments. For me, that was easy.

OneInAMillion... I'm natural, I work full time and go to school on some nights and some weekends (I just graduated with my bachelors and I'm currently taking MBA classes)... I don't go to a salon and I didn't go to a salon when I had relaxed hair either... I even have to babysit my nephew a couple of nights... I have time for my hair, school, work, and family... I didn't find relaxed hair any easier than having natural hair.... so that's why I am inquiring about this idea of 'manageability'...

 

[OneInAMillion]

OneInAMillion... I'm natural, I work full time and go to school on some nights and some weekends (I just graduated with my bachelors and I'm currently taking MBA classes)... I don't go to a salon and I didn't go to a salon when I had relaxed hair either... I even have to babysit my nephew a couple of nights... I have time for my hair, school, work, and family... I didn't find relaxed hair any easier than having natural hair.... so that's why I am inquiring about this idea of 'manageability'...

Congrats on your accomplishments. I understand how intense full time demands are, esp. since I'm in graduate school myself. Personally, I do find my relaxed hair easier to deal with. For me, spending 1.5 hours in the salon every two weeks to do my hair is ideal, compared to the time I spent when I was natural. To each her own I suppose.

 

[Poohbear]

Congrats on your accomplishments. I understand how intense full time demands are, esp. since I'm in graduate school myself. Personally, I do find my relaxed hair easier to deal with. For me, spending 1.5 hours in the salon every two weeks to do my hair is ideal, compared to the time I spent when I was natural. To each her own I suppose.

Thank you! Now I see that time was a factor for you when it came to natural hair. Best wishes to you in grad school!

 

[Browndilocks]

You bring up a good issue Poohbear, but that's exactly why I haven't ruled out the possibility of relaxing again - even after all of these years without a perm and all of the hard work I put into transitioning.

The other night, I went to an awards show and and after party, so I decided to blow dry and curl my hair for the evening. All I can say is by the time I got home, my hair was wide & HORRIBLE!!!!!! Matted all in the back from being in that sweaty club I guess (shoulda used my Sedu ). And I knew that the only way that I could get a comb through it was to wet my entire head, which I was going to do anyway since I had to wash it. But that's the thing...I cannot get a comb through my head unless it's wet and full of conditioner, or unless it's been flat ironed or pressed. This is sometimes a problem because I HAVE TO wash my hair in sections and sometimes, even parting my hair to simply get those sections is a work out all by itself. And sometimes, I just don't feel like wetting my whole head just to get it to look orderly. erplexed But I have to because if I wait too long to wet/wash/detangle my hair, I start shedding and losing hair by the handfulls...

In southern Cali, I do not have to worry about the weather, so its easy for me to wash and twist up my hair in the morning and step outside with a head full of wet hair. But if this was November in New York - I don't think so! Factor in the cold weather on top of the humidity and with a Natural head as long, thick and dense as mine, I'm either doing one of 2 destructive things. That's either using too much heat to combat humidity & fit my big head & hair under a hat, or I'm just plain old sick all the time for having wet hair in 18 degree weather. That's how I envision it anyway.

When I was relaxed, I had healthy hair. I began transitioning when I moved to Cali and started getting my roots pressed between touch ups. Wound up going all the way with NO regrets. I felt completely liberated becoming a natural because I didn't remember what my natural hair state was like, and I was in love . But that's just me and I'm entitled to change how I feel about it. So I can't knock the relaxed heads one bit, or even challenge them for that matter. I've been on both sides of the fence and know first hand that there are pros and cons to both styles.

 

[MizaniMami]

I like wearing my hair in straight styles and it's easy to do them with relaxed hair.

Someone else on this board said it best...unless you only wear your hair in an afro with no product, you're a slave to something.

THANKYOU! Very well said.

I thought the intention of the post was to ask "why do you RELAX" not "why are you natural"

 

[MizaniMami]

I agree completely.



It sure does. There is no curiosity or concern in this topic. This is a pissing contest where the prize is a fleeting moment of feeling superior.

Thank you for your insight J

I am tired of seeing this issue as well. Is this a ploy to make yourself (not YOU J, relatively speaking here) feel better about the decision that you made? I don't understand why when people feel they have to lift themselves up they have to put another group down.

It almost seems at times that some people that are natural seem to be almost mad at people who are relaxed. Are you mad because your hair didn't take well with relaxers?

I REFUSE to let you naturals tell me why *I* relax. You don't know me from jump. How does that look people telling other people why they do what they do...

 

[mkh_77]

To me unless you're sportin' a fro it ain't natural anyway. Temporary manipulation with twist or braidouts or permanent with relaxers if it isn't YOUR natural texture it ain't natural.

Someone else on this board said it best...unless you only wear your hair in an afro with no product, you're a slave to something.

I don't feel one way or the other about people who wear relaxers as it's a personal choice, but I do have a couple of questions after reading a few responses, and those questions are:

Because I wear my 100% chemical free hair in a french braid, it isn't natural and I'm a slave to something? If so, that's news to me. And, are "afros" the only acceptable natural hairstyles?

 

[Southernbella.]

sweetcashew and Candy C... thank you for your response to my post...

lauren450... do not take my post as a put down on women who relaxed... I used to relax my hair too... I was simply asking out of curiosity... seriously. I was not judging you in any way and I do not feel superior to anyone, that would be ridiculous to think that... I didn't say anything about not letting women wear their hair relaxed... I don't see where you got that from my post... I apologize if I got carried away with the questions (trust me, I'm Ms. Inquistive on this board, you can ask anyone who been a member here longer than I have... I tend to ask a lot of questions when it comes to anything ). I'm not worried about you or trying to get all up in your business or anything ... I just wanted to see why, that's all....thanks for your response too.

ETA:
Another reason why I ask questions about this is because of the things people (mostly extremely militant nappies) say about women who relax/straighten their hair... A lot of those women will just flat out say most black women relax because they want to be white or they hate their natural hair or hate themselves... I know for a fact that women relax their hair for other reasons and I want to see what ladies here at LHCF have for reasons to relax their hair... not to prove you all wrong or anything like that... just trying to see through the logic of it all. I know it's not that serious, but this is a discussion board so I'm going to inquire as much as I'd like.

No worries. My post wasn't really directed at you so much as this question that keeps coming up all the time. It's not just here either; I've seen it on many other boards, some of them not even about hair care. It may even start out innocently, but it always delves into the "slave" thing, or how I'm so enlightened and so glad I'm free from the crack. It just gets tiresome, I think.

Because I wear my 100% chemical free hair in a french braid, it isn't natural and I'm a slave to something? If so, that's news to me. And, are "afros" the only acceptable natural hairstyles?

You're still natural, but you're a slave to styling (mind you, this is using the ridiculous criteria that if you relax, you're a slave). In a roundabout way, I'm just agreeing with Sareca that none of us are REALLY natural, sporting our hair the way God intended for it to grow out of our scalps, out and free and everywhere. We're all taming our hair in some way.

 

[mkh_77]

You're still natural, but you're a slave to styling (mind you, this is using the ridiculous criteria that if you relax, you're a slave). In a roundabout way, I'm just agreeing with Sareca that none of us are REALLY natural, sporting our hair the way God intended for it to grow out of our scalps, out and free and everywhere. We're all taming our hair in some way.

Fair enough, I suppose.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Whoa, I'm surprised this thread made its way back up. I'm also quite discouraged by the way this thread has turned out. We're all sisters and we come from different places and have different pasts. However, we have all found a place where we should be able to put our differences aside and strive for a common goal. Like I stated before, I started this topic out of curiosity.

I'll be honest, when I first decided that I wanted to grow my hair I thought it would be impossible with a relaxer. In junior high 99% of the girls with nice length and healthy strands were natural. They never really seemed to do anything special to their hair. They were just typical girls who had never experienced a relaxer and just happened to have long hair as a result. At that moment I decided that if I went natural I would have long hair. WRONG. I wasn't in the mindset nor did I have the support/knowledge to keep my hair healthy. I recieved harsh criticism from those around me after I did my BC and as a result I began to color and press my hair. I NEVER wore my natural texture outside. I just broke down and relaxed. If I knew about this board back then I would still be natural and most likely have hair down my back. That was then. When I began my journey for information regarding women of color with long hair I came across something I thought I would never see. Relaxed heads with long, healthy hair. This astonished me because I never thought it was possible. However, now I see that every type of hair takes a special discipline. Natural hair has as many rules as relaxed hair. Now that I have the knowledge I have realized that I could have long, healthy hair that is either natural or relaxed and I am happy that I have this choice. I've been trying to figure out whether I should keep relaxing or go natural. I've transitioned before so that's no big deal, but something just keeps holding me back. I've realized that for now I like straight hair. I plan on transitioning after I reach my goal with straight hair. At least then I could say that I've had relaxed long hair and also natural long hair. I was curious as to what was holding me, and other relaxed heads back from going natural. Thanks to everyone who answered.

I do appreciate everyone's opinion and it has opened my eyes to many things. The whole relaxed vs. natural debate has got to stop though. We've come too far for this. The greatest thing about being a black woman with afro hair is the fact that we can go from one extreme to the next. We can have the kinkiest, gorgeous 4Z textured hair that grows out towards the universe and we can have beautiful dark bone straight hair. Let's face it, when we do have straight hair that is healthy and well taken care of, it looks amazing. It has bounce, body, and holds a curl so well that it could make women of other races green with envy. So let's celebrate this gift. I love the fact that my hair has two different sides and two different personalities.

I know this topic has been done to death and it has turned into the opposite of what is was meant to be. But maybe this is an issue that needs to be settled once and for all. I've learned a lot of things here that have changed some of my ideas about the issue. It's nice to see all sides. I'm glad that everyone here is willing to speak their minds and not sugar coat everything. But let's keep this as a means of understanding and not one of preaching or superiority.

 

[MizaniMami]

Whoa, I'm surprised this thread made its way back up. I'm also quite discouraged by the way this thread has turned out. We're all sisters and we come from different places and have different pasts. However, we have all found a place where we should be able to put our differences aside and strive for a common goal. Like I stated before, I started this topic out of curiosity.

I'll be honest, when I first decided that I wanted to grow my hair I thought it would be impossible with a relaxer. In junior high 99% of the girls with nice length and healthy strands were natural. They never really seemed to do anything special to their hair. They were just typical girls who had never experienced a relaxer and just happened to have long hair as a result. At that moment I decided that if I went natural I would have long hair. WRONG. I wasn't in the mindset nor did I have the support/knowledge to keep my hair healthy. I recieved harsh criticism from those around me after I did my BC and as a result I began to color and press my hair. I NEVER wore my natural texture outside. I just broke down and relaxed. If I knew about this board back then I would still be natural and most likely have hair down my back. That was then. When I began my journey for information regarding women of color with long hair I came across something I thought I would never see. Relaxed heads with long, healthy hair. This astonished me because I never thought it was possible. However, now I see that every type of hair takes a special discipline. Natural hair has as many rules as relaxed hair. Now that I have the knowledge I have realized that I could have long, healthy hair that is either natural or relaxed and I am happy that I have this choice. I've been trying to figure out whether I should keep relaxing or go natural. I've transitioned before so that's no big deal, but something just keeps holding me back. I've realized that for now I like straight hair. I plan on transitioning after I reach my goal with straight hair. At least then I could say that I've had relaxed long hair and also natural long hair. I was curious as to what was holding me, and other relaxed heads back from going natural. Thanks to everyone who answered.

I do appreciate everyone's opinion and it has opened my eyes to many things. The whole relaxed vs. natural debate has got to stop though. We've come too far for this. The greatest thing about being a black woman with afro hair is the fact that we can go from one extreme to the next. We can have the kinkiest, gorgeous 4Z textured hair that grows out towards the universe and we can have beautiful dark bone straight hair. Let's face it, when we do have straight hair that is healthy and well taken care of, it looks amazing. It has bounce, body, and holds a curl so well that it could make women of other races green with envy. So let's celebrate this gift. I love the fact that my hair has two different sides and two different personalities.

I know this topic has been done to death and it has turned into the opposite of what is was meant to be. But maybe this is an issue that needs to be settled once and for all. I've learned a lot of things here that have changed some of my ideas about the issue. It's nice to see all sides. I'm glad that everyone here is willing to speak their minds and not sugar coat everything. But let's keep this as a means of understanding and not one of preaching or superiority.

Great Thread! I really enjoyed reading it!

 

[Parvathi]

I see plenty of healthy and beautiful heads of relaxed hair in this thread and even more on the board as a whole. You ever consider that some folks who relax their hair do it because it looks good on them?


Again, I present this board as exhibit A,B,C & D that you are incorrect in your assumption.


I feel that this board above all else promotes sisterhood, it's a shame to see that some folks let a box of relaxer dictate whom they can be sisterly to.

What a wonderful surprise.

Your definition of "healthy and beautiful heads" is all based on what you see on the outside, is it not so? How does that saying go...don't judge a book by its cover? Anyone who would define what healthy hair is on the basis of outward appearance is imbecile, yourself included.

And who was making any assumptions here? Let the evidence speak for itself. Exhibit A, B, C and D are deemed irrelevant because exhibits E-Z are all proof of what harsh chemicals can eventually do to the hair. Exhibits A-D will eventually experience the same results as the aforementioned. It's not assumptive on my part to conclude that chemically process hair= damaged hair. It's a given fact and the effects of such are irreversible.

Lastly, while I agree that those who choose to befriend members on the basis of natural v.s relaxed head debate are feebleminded, that conclusion does not have a place in this discussion since we are NOT debating the sisterhood of this online community.

Ta-ta.

 

[Parvathi]

Let me ask you this question. Did it ever occur to you that you may be the one who's a slave to your natural hair and your way of thinking?
Slave means to be in bondage to something. Do you honestly think that's what relaxed women are? In bondage to a relaxer box?
I have to laugh at that. Simply because you believe what you believe and I know what I know about me. The difference between you and me is that I actually like my hair natural and I like it relaxed. You obviously have something against relaxers. I don't have anything against natural.
I admire both natural and relaxed heads of hair.
I won't try to even debate this issue anymore because a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. Therefore you think what you want to think. Maybe it makes you sleep easier at night thinking that relaxed ladies are slaves, and none of us have healthy hair. It amuses me that you feel you could speak for all relaxed heads of hair. I guess you have an up close and personal relationship with my hair so you would know just how unhealthy it is.

Further evidence of asinine comments made by an imbecile individual.

To answer the questions posed:

1. Bondage to natural hair? With any enslavement there is an outside force, community or ideology that enforces that bondage. Are you telling me that having what is and has been my own since birth is something that has been enforced upon me? I am enslaved to what is mine ?



Please don't make a fool of yourself.

2. Correction: relaxed heads are in bondage to, like I have earlier stated, societal conventions. Please learn to read carefully.

Glad you've been amused. I must say the same with your comments. I do believe I can speak for all relaxed heads because I've been there and the effects of chemical relaxers, no matter the head of hair, is all the same: damaged hair, whether visible or hidden in the eyes of the beholder.