BLACK/HISPANIC MEN AND NATURAL HAIR

[Daughter]

Men approached me my hair was relaxed. I get approached by men now that I'm natural, I've received attention when wearing a head scarf (so my hair is completely covered). Since I've been natural though, I'm approached in a different way, they assume that I'm on some kind of a "conscious tip", lol

I say all this cos while there are many brainwashed men into the "good hair" myth, I'd say that there are plenty who are just attracted to women whatever her hair texture. I'm type 4a/b so it's not wishful thinking

 

[Ramya]

This is a note one of my black male classmates posted about natural hair. He's a donkey so it's a bit much:

So I was having a conversation with a female the other day and she had decided to go "natural" and is boycotting getting a relaxer or perm or practically any other chemical in her hair. She asked me what I thought about her hair. Now it isn't unlike myself to volunteer my opinion without being asked for it, so she was particularly lucky that I kept my opinion to myself as long as I did...but when she asked, I was forced to let her know! I told her that I didn't like it, and that it looks dry and nappy! She got pissed and started on this whole long tangent about going "natural" and that society has created this image of "good" hair among women especially of African American ethnicity. So I responded with a very emphasized "Whomp, whomp, whomp!" Of course, the sheer assholedness of my response further infuriated her and she asked me if I agreed with the whole "good" hair image. I said yes, and here is why:

Firstly, to be true to the definition of "natural" then she would have to go without doing anything to her hair at all, not even combing it. If I just let my hair grow out uncontrollably and let it roll up into beedebees and buckshots all over my head then she would have had something to say. Secondly, of course society has created an image of "good" hair...society creates an image of everything. They even created an image of cleanliness and good hygiene. I don't see her or other women boycotting deodorant, soap, body wash, lotion or anything else that society deems as normal. She still gets her nails and feet done, that's not "natural." She drives a car, and talks on a cell phone all the time.

If you like your nappy, spider infested looking doo then do you...don't live your life based on other's opinions if you don't want to...especially mine. And finally, I prefer long silky or curly hair...this is my preference. I am perfectly entitled to like whatever I do. When I run my fingers through my woman's hair, I don't want my knuckles to crack and pop like I'm eating a bowl of Rice Krispies. That's just my choice. Get over Yourself!

A lot of black men cosigned with him on this.

ETA: for the record he was not talking about my hair but someone I know. He knew better than to even make mention of my hair. We've gone there before.

 

[Daughter]

Ramya - your friend has created a false dichotomy - so 4a/b hair HAS to be unkempt, neglected and unattractive? And ALL other hair, namely "good" hair or relaxed hair automatically looks good.

Yeah right

 

[Ramya]

Ramya - your friend has created a false dichotomy - so 4a/b hair HAS to be unkempt, neglected and unattractive? And ALL other hair, namely "good" hair or relaxed hair automatically looks good.

Yeah right

Not only is he a donkey he is delusional. His own girlfriend doesn't match his 'preferences'. She has almost shoulder length hair that is not curly nor silky but it's relaxed and she stays at the salon getting it 'done' to please him.

 

[dynamic1]

Although men are visual...what holds and keeps a man is the confidence within. Rock your natural hair proudly, fiercely & confidently and you will attract QUALITY men of ALL races.

I agree. Natural hair on a confident beautiful woman is never a deal breaker!

I have worn my hair super short/relaxed, long/straight, natural /long/huge and natural/medium/huge and never had my options diminished because of my hair. The one recurring them is that the men are glad I wear my own hair. I also realize that statement is just game, because if I rocked a weave, they would love it too.

It is true that most black women do not like afro textured hair. This includes the mothers that raised the men that dislike it. They also had to hear the comments, "natural hair looks unkept, undone, nappy, bad, low budget, etc."

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I think this is definitely a real phenomenon but I think there is something to be said for how one carries themselves, confidence resonates with people and when we leave the house with an uncertain hesitating energy, were gonna manifest that, but if we leave the house with our fierce fro's, do nice makeup accessorize and got that swag like you really can't tell me nothin cuz I'm the flyest and you match that fro with a killer outfit, you're still gonna get attention.

I still get attention from the brotha's and and I have a SupaFro. I remember I went to the hood in BK on purpose because that's where you can get some of the best deals on beauty supplies I was on a button down with slacks obviously just coming from work and I had a brotha tryna talk to me n the store tellin me how beautiful I looked and I was rockin a massive fro.

But then again, I don't think I could ever not get attention from the brotha's cuz I have the black man magnet: a large derriere on a small frame

I realize the riff-raff don't even muster the courage to step to me when I wear my coily glory out for the world to see, but I still maintain the attention from the young urban professionals from the somewhat older more distinguished men, etc however when I wear my hair straight suddenly I'm just another one in the crowd and anyone feels like that can talk to me because I appear more "regular" to them.

When I wear my hair in a kinky style, I get more quality then I do quantity.....I really don't mind that at all, as a matter of fact, I prefer it.

I could also be regional as well, here in NYC, when you start to run in the circles of the NYU/Columbia crowd you come to realize that the more educated and well to do black people are(here), the more likely it is that they're natural or going natural. I started noticing this more and more especially since this is the kind of population we work with in my firm. Natural hair is very prevalent when you go the chic area's like the city.....its a little less common when you go to the lower income black neighborhoods but it has a strong presence here and you get complimented regularly for thick healthy natural hair ESPECIALLY when it get's long.

I think alot of times people don't really have a problem with natural hair, I think its that for the most part people associate natural hair with short or stiff hair. But when your hair starts to get very long, people really start to take notice, admire it and ask you how you did it what you use how beautiful you look etc.

I think people like thick lush LONG hair period Natural or Relaxed.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

Yes, you are absolutely right, just remember the thread on the Off topic forum the other day about would you wear natural hair is were a looser texture. There were quite a few ladies here admit they wouldn't wear their natural hair because it's in the 4 range.

People have told me that! There have been quite a few sistas that have told me that if their natural hair was like my natural hair, they would wear their hair natural.

And then the "real" naturals didn't think I was natural enough That's why I am through with hair typing. I don't know my type and I don't want to know it.

Grandma told me once, "you finally got some good hair gurl"

 

[AvaSpeaks]

I appreciate the honesty of this thread. I do believe that there are Black men who don't pay as much attention to me because of my hair. They take one good look at my 4B head and it's like they see right through me.

On the other hand I think it depends on where you live and who the man is. I get a lot of positive feedback from Black men coming from metropolitan areas like New York (where there are tons and tons of natural styles ). I also get a lot of attention from African men. Finally, I sincerely believe that if the hair style brings out your features, then that plays a role, too. Ever since I big-chopped I've gotten so many compliments and I know it's because closely-cropped hair brings out my bone structure and other features on my face. But I would be lying if I didn't agree with others who say that Black and Hispanic men ignore them. I just figure, if they're ignoring me over my hair, they're not worth my time anyway.

It's interesting how you mentioned that in NY you get a lot of love yet the post right above you says in NYC, she doesn't.

That just goes to show you that different people are gonna have different results.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

You're completely ignoring what I said about the conditioning aren't you. It seems like that point is flying right over your head.

No I got your point. I was stating the reasons why.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

My hair is thick and long and the most compliments I get are from black women even when I wear blown out twist-outs. I rarely get compliments from black men. Our people are f-uped in the hair department-self hate and I'm not, so if they don't like it I don't care.

You know what, I get the most compliments on my natural hair from white people. Especially, WHITE MEN!

 

[Taina]

Curious ...
Now that i chopped off one of my guy friends (dominican Republic) told me that he loves how i looked, and he said : "consider it as a compliment, i don't really like short hair in women". I'm living in Mexico, and i ALWAYS have guys stearing at me, and womans always want to touch and feel my hair.

I don't like hair that short, but i'm very self confident and is always about energy, if you show confidence, people will see you the same way, if you are worried about people will hate your hairstyke, they will do that.

 

[BlkRushhin]

These are the rough analytical calculations I came up with in reference to compliments, looks, and "hit ons" I get:

White men: 90%
White women: 98%
Mexican men (new category due to influx of Mexican residents): 80%
Black women: 45%
Black men: heh...depends on demographic ...perhaps 25%

My DH (who's AA) loved my hair when I was straight, straight and short, when I BCed, when I'm fro'ed out...yada yada yada. I asked him what he prefers, he just simply stated..."clean hair". So..I keep it clean!

 

[India*32]

I think this is definitely a real phenomenon but I think there is something to be said for how one carries themselves, confidence resonates with people and when we leave the house with an uncertain hesitating energy, were gonna manifest that, but if we leave the house with our fierce fro's, do nice makeup accessorize and got that swag like you really can't tell me nothin cuz I'm the flyest and you match that fro with a killer outfit, you're still gonna get attention.

I still get attention from the brotha's and and I have a SupaFro. I remember I went to the hood in BK on purpose because that's where you can get some of the best deals on beauty supplies I was on a button down with slacks obviously just coming from work and I had a brotha tryna talk to me n the store tellin me how beautiful I looked and I was rockin a massive fro.

But then again, I don't think I could ever not get attention from the brotha's cuz I have the black man magnet: a large derriere on a small frame

I realize the riff-raff don't even muster the courage to step to me when I wear my coily glory out for the world to see, but I still maintain the attention from the young urban professionals from the somewhat older more distinguished men, etc however when I wear my hair straight suddenly I'm just another one in the crowd and anyone feels like that can talk to me because I appear more "regular" to them.

When I wear my hair in a kinky style, I get more quality then I do quantity.....I really don't mind that at all, as a matter of fact, I prefer it.

I could also be regional as well, here in NYC, when you start to run in the circles of the NYU/Columbia crowd you come to realize that the more educated and well to do black people are(here), the more likely it is that they're natural or going natural. I started noticing this more and more especially since this is the kind of population we work with in my firm. Natural hair is very prevalent when you go the chic area's like the city.....its a little less common when you go to the lower income black neighborhoods but it has a strong presence here and you get complimented regularly for thick healthy natural hair ESPECIALLY when it get's long.

I think alot of times people don't really have a problem with natural hair, I think its that for the most part people associate natural hair with short or stiff hair. But when your hair starts to get very long, people really start to take notice, admire it and ask you how you did it what you use how beautiful you look etc.

I think people like thick lush LONG hair period Natural or Relaxed.

That's why I Love New York City. You can be youself and the city embraces our culture. In addition, we're educated and stylish. What more can be said. Style in the City. I think my sister who is older had a problem with my natural twa. It curled up on the sides and she was stating, "maybe I should get it straighten." I stopped her and told her don't go there. She has 3a hair and she's not rocking a fly cut. She hushed up. I told her it takes time and once it grows out and its like how, "I like it," don't worry about it.

India

 

[Daughter]

People have told me that! There have been quite a few sistas that have told me that if their natural hair was like my natural hair, they would wear their hair natural.

And then the "real" naturals didn't think I was natural enough That's why I am through with hair typing. I don't know my type and I don't want to know it.

Grandma told me once, "you finally got some good hair gurl"

I hear you. I've also had one or two women tell me the same thing, when we clearly did have similar hair textures. This is gonna be controversial but I think because I was lighter skinned they automatically thought that this meant that my hair was automatically not nappy [huh?] I really don't get that one at all. Someone once told me that I didn't have, and I quote, "n-word hair", like it's meant to be some compliment I don't get it, cos people were laughing when I was transitioning my hair back in the day. They certainly didn't think my hair was "good" when I still had relaxed ends.

Madness, I tell ya, pure madness.

My husband THOUGHT that he preferred straight hair til he met me, lol

 

[Nayna]

It's interesting how you mentioned that in NY you get a lot of love yet the post right above you says in NYC, she doesn't.

That just goes to show you that different people are gonna have different results.

I think my wording threw it off. I get love out here but DC (which is heavier in the natural scene from what I saw) I got even more than what I was used too. I saw more naturals out there as well for some reason but that couldve been because of where I stayed, who knows. Either way I think Naija and I both agree that where u live plays a part.

 

[prospurr4]

I'm 4b texlaxed. almost WL, and wear my hair in a variety of styles, from natural-looking, big, poofy twistouts to relaxed-looking, straight hair with a bump on the ends. Either way, I get looks and positive comments from men (and women) of all races.

In my experience, men like LOTS of healthy hair that shows some length, at least SL. At each length stage (SL, BSL, MBL) of my hair journey, I noticed that longer lengths brought more attention...regardless of race or gender.

 

[laurend]

I'm 4b texlaxed. almost WL, and wear my hair in a variety of styles, from natural-looking, big, poofy twistouts to relaxed-looking, straight hair with a bump on the ends. Either way, I get looks and positive comments from men (and women) of all races.

In my experience, men like LOTS of healthy hair that shows some length, at least SL. At each length stage (SL, BSL, MBL) of my hair journey, I noticed that longer lengths brought more attention...regardless of race or gender.

Yeah, because you are texlaxed, I think people on the whole might think that's your natural texture.

 

[Neith]

I personally don't notice any less attention from black men as a type 4 natural. erplexed

 

[chebaby]

well im not gonna act like its not true for many women. i've noticed that in the clubs i dont get as much attention as i used to when i had apl-bsl relaxed hair. but on a daily basis, at work, at the mall, just out and about, i get plenty of attention. now what i will say is that i do not have type 4 hair so for those of you who think that is a factor, maybe it is. my hair is not super silky either.

like someone else has already stated, men in my age groupe(20s) are not used to seeing natural women. its not the norm.

 

[Dominican09]

.........................................

 

[Duchesse]

I realize the riff-raff don't even muster the courage to step to me when I wear my coily glory out for the world to see, but I still maintain the attention from the young urban professionals from the somewhat older more distinguished men, etc however when I wear my hair straight suddenly I'm just another one in the crowd and anyone feels like that can talk to me because I appear more "regular" to them.

.

I agree with your whole post, esp. this part. When I wore twas, baldies, and natural styles I still received a lot of attention from Black men/men in general. This was when I was living in Brooklyn and and there are alot of professional/artistic/intellectual types in the area I lived in. I never felt unattractive, and the hood type dudes would leave me be for the most part.

I went through a straight phony-pony stage once and it was a stark diff. from the men who would try to holler. I mean stark. The dudes at the corner store and barber shop who would never check me out, were suddenly being all "yo shawty".

I'm not saying that just because you have natural hair, professional men will check you, and just because you're relaxed, "regular" men will, but in my experience the quality and type of men/field of work, who show interest does change with my hair.

Also, the white guys seem to like natural hair.

 

[BrickbyBrick]

I get lots of compliments on my hair from black men. Admittedly, most are 35+ (I'm 30+ myself, though). I think it's because they are from a time when they can remember lots of black women wearing their hair natural (afros). I think if we wore our hair natural more and learned and did all the styles for it, men would also become accustomed to it. A lot has to do with style, health, and length, because I've definitely gotten more positive responses since joining this forum.

I'm 4b, btw.

It ain't just your hair girl. you're hot!!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

It's time that black women stop caring what black/hispanic men think about their hair. If you love your natural hair, wear it proud. Men love a woman who is confident. It's their loss, OP. Do you. If hair is the thing that keeps a man away, then he isn't worth it anyways.

 

[naturalpride]

How can a black man not like nappy hair when their hair is nappy too. It makes no since; it's only self hate and that type of man is not attractive to me anyway.

 

[SimplyBlessed]

I do not think that blk/hispanic men dislike natural hair...I think its all about how u wear ur natural hair and if it "fits" u!! Kinda like a hair cut...some women can rock short hair and others cant...

I think if women start learning the various styles that u can have as a natural more men would appreciate it...

Honestly my past 2 relationships have always said they like when I wear my hair and not wear weave (i've never had a perm)...but u also have to think...mmm would they have holla at me when I was wearing my natural hair lol

ALSO I THINK SOME MEN LIKE WHEN WOMEN WEAR THEIR NATURAL HAIR (MEANING NO WEAVE) AS A REASSURANCE THAT THEY ACTUALLY HAVE HAIR!!

 

[Daughter]

It's time that black women stop caring what black/hispanic men think about their hair. If you love your natural hair, wear it proud. Men love a woman who is confident. It's their loss, OP. Do you. If hair is the thing that keeps a man away, then he isn't worth it anyways.

*****A ROUND OF APPLAUSE*****

And let the church say, "Amen".

 

[Raspberry]

I know whenever this topic comes up, people pretend like the issue is just in our heads. But I notice the same thing. Its like black men see right through me when I have my natural hair out. Maybe the experience is different if you have looser or wavy natural hair? I don't know.

Yea there's a lot of truth to the OP's perception but there's no answer we can really give that will make more dudes appreciate 4ish hair more.

So it's up to you Trinity05 - do you like your hair enough the the loss of some attention doesn't bother you? Or do you feel like your quality of life is really being downgraded because of a lack of hair appreciation?

 

[Raspberry]

Ramya - your friend has created a false dichotomy - so 4a/b hair HAS to be unkempt, neglected and unattractive? And ALL other hair, namely "good" hair or relaxed hair automatically looks good.

Yeah right

Yep This is why it's hard even for black women with relaxers to meet a lot of these men's standards. How many relaxed women actually have hair that can be called "long and silky?" I rarely see it outside of this board. If a black man truly requires "long and silky" (lots of guys talk junk about having all these physical standards but reality is somethin different), there would be a lot of non-black women I'd have to compete with for his attention.

Not worth the effort - the bar will always be set higher than a lot of us can reach.. may as well do what makes you happy, it's much more rewarding than garnering attention from guys like that.

 

[ccd]

This is a note one of my black male classmates posted about natural hair. He's a donkey so it's a bit much:



A lot of black men cosigned with him on this.

ETA: for the record he was not talking about my hair but someone I know. He knew better than to even make mention of my hair. We've gone there before.

Ramya....I'm just curious; totally not trying to be smart .... ..Don't hate me....I'm just asking; why did you feel the need to ETA....

You know what, I get the most compliments on my natural hair from white people. Especially, WHITE MEN!

IDK if their opinions or compliments hold more merit than a black man's .....They are conditioned to have "other ideas" based on natural hair and black women....so

But I agree that they definitely make a point of complimenting natural/natural looking textures.....I find it creepy and suspect though ....


I mean, I believe you can find 10 Bl & H men who hate it and 10 that love it..... If going natural is your decision and you think it's best for you.....definitely do you and be happy...... If you wear clothes, hair, makeup based on the likes and dislikes of a man.......................Girl You'll be stuck in the house not know what to do with yourself....... Wear your hair as YOU like it and strut down the street like .....I KNOW I look good....best be sure a WHOLE Lotta people will stop and stare....


I've seen some Beautiful 4 A..B....Z whatever women walking down the street......She holds her head up High and doesn't even look to see if anyone see's her! She is Seen and She was There....... Her presence is felt regardless......


I admire that...... I may not be the one to do it.....But I do admire and respect "her".....

 

[Shananyganz]

I am definitely the "Do You" queen and I promote the preceding all day (we have a club, wanna join..lol). I think it suffices to say that ALL experiences (just like how we care for our hair) will be different. We will not get the same responses simply because there are so many varying factors (location, personal style, inner confidence, environment, etc) that play into a situation. We should know that some people will NEVER have a problem with lacking attention because of how they chose to wear their hair, some will ALWAYS have a problem and some will fall in between. For most of us, our hair is our crown and glory, (I mean hello, we're members of a hair board), so I get why for most of us it matters when we are shunned EITHER WAY (natural or relaxed). But when all is said and done, the only thing we can do is simply educate those who are (insanely) bold enough to take it there with us (regarding hair in general). I can't imagine us walking around and calling out every man that didn't give us a second glance or a low whistle.

Having someone NOT approach you should be the least of our overall concerns as women; sometimes ladies, its a blessing. Flatter is good..it feels GREAT; I personally like it, but I have learned to flatter MYSELF. So, if I walk out of this building right now and no one thinks I'm fly...psshhhh...they lying, I'm fly ALL DAY...whether I'm in braids, hair straight, afro puff, twists, the list goes on.

People have a indescribable quantity of individual and collective ignorance. That has always been the case, and while we do not have to accept it, we are required to know that that is the reality. If someone is concerned about the status of my hair...and express their opinion in a negative manner, they get pushed on down the line and out of my way. I have too many things to worry about than be concerned why Billy LaMont Bob doesn't like what I love.