do some people have HAIR so DIFFICULT they HAVE TO RELAX/TEXLAX?

[trenise]

I think whether or not you "have to" relax depends on what you are trying to do with it. I personally get a lot of enjoyment in washing my hair. It is 4b relaxed, I tried texlaxing, and I just love to get it wet. I didn't love it so much when it was texlaxed. I got tangles for the first time in my adult life. I was like, what's going on with my hair. Now that I'm relaxed again, this is not an issue. Perhaps if I wore braids and more natural styles, I could work with the 4b texture and not relax, but considering what I like to do with my hair, and that it can be therapy for me, I have to relax -but I am learning to stretch.

 

[Junebug D]

I agree with those who said you don't *have* to, it just depends on what your goals are. I have that "4zzzzz" hair and I've been natural for most of the last 6 years. It is no walk in the park. I've been through so much with my hair that I'm at the point where I completely understand why someone with hair like this would relax it if their goal is to have long hair.

This is my very first time trying to grow it out long though, and I'm not sure what to expect. Every frizzy end and knot I feel in it now just makes me wonder how I will ever reach a goal like APL. And what happens when it gets so long that a decent set of twists no longer takes one hour, but two and three and four? erplexed

But I've seen ladies here and elsewhere who have done it, so it's possible if you're willing to put in the work.

 

[TaurusAngel]

Its about preference. Me... i know good and well i'm not going to spend 5 hours doing my hair once a week. Not gonna happen, so i CHOSE to relax. I like both my natural and relaxed hair, i just prefer relaxers now. no one needs a relaxer, but if you feel that you can't keep dealing with your natural hair, then i see no issue with relaxing. Just make sure you don't become attached to it. And yes, natural hair is difficult for some people. We can't say what a person's experience with their hair is like.

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

I agree with many ladies on this thread, I voted yes, I need a relaxer to manage my hair, because I dont have time, especially in school and I have to rush, but when my life gets somewhat simple, I will change and probably go natural, but being a single mom and in school, a relaxer is okay for right now, I know i need to moisturize and oil and condition, so yes for me, but in the long run.......no, no one needs a relaxer.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I used to believe I had to relax my hair until my hair started rejecting relaxers. It would not get strait and when I tried to force it, I got choppy, damaged, over processed hair. I have worked on educating myself about natural hair. It will take me more time, but I believe it will work for me. I guess it's a matter of choice for the person.

 

[cocoberry10]

Having been on both sides of the fence, and a lover of natural hair, I will say, No, no one ever *has to* relax.

However, for some people, relaxing is simply the rational option, because of their *personal priorities*.

It's a trade off of pros and cons for natural hair at any point in time, and for some people, the cons just outweigh the pros. Simple as.

I agree with your last paragraph. There are pros and cons to EVERY decision, and people should make whatever decision is best and most convenient for them.

 

[cocoberry10]

some folks don't know what difficult is especially if they do not have extremely coarse 4b hair.

i see this lack of "understanding" all the time on here. *sigh*

Carry on.

This is VERY, VERY true and I see it too.

I think the truth is that if you don't have this type of hair, you really are not in a position to say!

With that being said, I also believe that what many Extremely coarse 4b and C-Napps want is to eliminate the dryness, tangles, and lack of elasticity. These are the issues I have with the parts of my hair that is coarse/4b.

It makes even styling VERY difficult.

However, to me, relaxing is not necessarily the "cure-all" with this type of hair either, b/c if your hair is coarse, relaxing really doesn't soften it, it just loosens it. The hair will still be dry.

If there was a product or process or pills that the hair industry developed to eliminate these problems, I don't think people would care about how tightly coiled their hair was.

I see people with tightly coiled hair, but their texture is silky, and they can still easily comb and style their hair, and they don't get tangles and knots.

In fact, I started a thread about this, and I'll link it up here!!!

Here it is
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=308665

 

[blue_flower]

I guess it depends on your hair. When I had shorter natural hair, it was no problem. But when my hair started growing longer, the it became a problem: it took longer to detangle, it took longer to dry, it dried into a brillo pad, I basically couldn't do anything to it and I wasn't going to cut my hair. I eventually got a relaxer, but I didn't like how it took my thickness and texture away, so now I texturize.

 

[Pandora1975]

I used to think my hair could not be dealt with naturally, and I think if I were working full time, I wouldn't have decided to complete my transition. I voted yes though, because years ago, I didn't have the patience for this. I COULDN'T have done it. My mother doesn't have the time or patience, and therefore cannot.

So I guess I'm saying that lifestyle is a huge factor in my opinion.

 

[RedVelvet310]

No way, I think it's all about finding out what works for you . I am starting to see NO REASON in relaxing hair, I HAD what people called bad hair, but that totally changed when I found the right products and techniques. And I straightened my hair for the first time 4 days ago and I will NEVER go back to relaxed !

And to add, I would think its the most driest, kinkiest hair that would be the MOST fragile hair of all the hair types, meaning the hair type to least accept a relaxer treatment. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I have to correct myself. My hair in its natural state is very tightly coiled. It would take me so long to detangle my TWA and style it. I relaxed recently and I hate it because it is too strait. So, texlaxing is a happy medium for me because it gives me the option to do both relaxed and natural styles. I'm trying to long transition this time so I can have more length to deal with this time I texlax.

 

[spinspinshuga]

I think there might be some people like this. Here's why:

My sister was natural for a long time, with my mother taking care of her hair, but wanted a relaxer when she had to take care of her own hair. Recently, she decided to transition. It has been a disaster. Her hair is so thick it's almost impossible to get to her scalp to wash it; I've never seen anyone with hair both so thick and so coarse. My mother said that when she cared for my sister's hair as a child, huge flakes of skin would come off because her scalp was so difficult to wash, and for the first time my sister's scalp, when relaxed, was not flaky, red, and irritated. My mother, who initially did not want her to get a relaxer, realized now, during my sister's transition, that her scalp was easier to clean when relaxed, and thus her hair thrived. Her hair has been breaking and shedding since she's been transitioning, whereas it was thick and always waist-length when texlaxed. I think it is probably rare, but I feel some people might need relaxers. ETA: to retain length.

 

[Kayluv]

One doesn't have to relax their hair, but if you feel that it would make your life a bit easier, then go for it. IT'S JUST HAIR...not the end of the world! I personally like my natural hair, but have always found it to be a pain in the butt when it comes to washing and styling. I personally am not inclined to spend hours trying to get it to look decent...and frankly I don't want to! There are other things in some of our lives that take much more of a precedence which doesn't leave alot of extra time to play in our hair.

 

[brownbean96]

No one NEEDS a perm - it should be a personal choice. I do however believe or wish that every African American woman could experience having natural hair during some point in their adult life to personally understand that relaxing is a Choice. Some women have relaxed for so long that they don't realize how much of choice it is. I just believe as a woman, you will gain so much appreciation for you hair once you deal with it in it's natural state. If you do decide to relax, at least you'll know the difference and be able to in the future, make an educated/informed choice.

With that being said, I am transitioning for the second time and am having thoughts of relaxing for many of the same reasons that others have given - time specifcially. I actually stayed home today because I couldn't figure out what to do with my hair. But that's a choice that I will have to make based on what I've learned about styling and caring for my natural hair.

I also agree that there are some people you see that have relaxer that clearly don't work for them.

No way, I think it's all about finding out what works for you . I am starting to see NO REASON in relaxing hair, I HAD what people called bad hair, but that totally changed when I found the right products and techniques. And I straightened my hair for the first time 4 days ago and I will NEVER go back to relaxed !

And to add, I would think its the most driest, kinkiest hair that would be the MOST fragile hair of all the hair types, meaning the hair type to least accept a relaxer treatment. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[MAMATO]

I think there might be some people like this. Here's why:

My sister was natural for a long time, with my mother taking care of her hair, but wanted a relaxer when she had to take care of her own hair. Recently, she decided to transition. It has been a disaster. Her hair is so thick it's almost impossible to get to her scalp to wash it; I've never seen anyone with hair both so thick and so coarse. My mother said that when she cared for my sister's hair as a child, huge flakes of skin would come off because her scalp was so difficult to wash, and for the first time my sister's scalp, when relaxed, was not flaky, red, and irritated. My mother, who initially did not want her to get a relaxer, realized now, during my sister's transition, that her scalp was easier to clean when relaxed, and thus her hair thrived. Her hair has been breaking and shedding since she's been transitioning, whereas it was thick and always waist-length when texlaxed. I think it is probably rare, but I feel some people might need relaxers.

Your sister's story is definitely my story. I had my first relaxer at 19 and it was about time I really liked my natural texture, but I didnt have the time to take care of it the way I should have. I grew up in a family where natural hair was really appreciated, my father was deeply into the all-natural thing. He used to praise my texture like it was a gift from heaven (it was at some level). So I've been taught to love my texture and I do... but to take care of it (so it wont consume all my life), that is another story. On top of that, I am extremely tenderheaded, and quite lazy when it comes to whatever involves beauty (I am getting better on the beauty thing though). So by the time I went to the university, I was ready to slap a box of perm on my head and call it a day... That is what I did and never looked back. I will be natural one day when I get older (65+) but I will never wear puffs, afros, twists, because those styles are tangles city for me. I will probably wear box braids and wash my hair once a monthI know it is disgusting but washing my natural hair is not something I am willing to do on a weekly basis

 

[Jewell]

My story is that I adore natural hair. My mom put a relaxer in my hair at age 7 because she worked 3 jobs and didn't have time to do both me and my sister's natural hair (with washing, pressing, etc). Since then, I liked my hair relaxed, but wanted to see if I myself could care for my natural hair. So, after going back and forth about transitioning several times, I finally transitioned for 13 mos and BC'd.

I liked my natural hair, but because I didn't have time to style it and "work" with it (with a 3 week old baby at home) I ended up texlaxing about 4 mos later. It helped with the manageability and allowed me to look decent just slapping my hair in a ponytail and going, if necessary. (Not saying natural hair can't do the same, but mine didn't look presentable that way without a ton of work beforehand).

I loved my hair natural, just didn't have the time or energy to put the care into it. Mostly wore headwraps 'til I had the time to even texlax it. It was hard to even find time to shower with a newborn at home, let alone style and care for my hair!

In the future I will go natural again, maybe when my daughter (who is now 13 mos) gets to be age 4 or 5. Then I will have more "me" time to explore my natural hair again.

 

[larry3344]

I don't agree envy beauty and i have natural 4a/b hair that can be reallly coarse it's just Black women relax their hair hair before they even learn how to take care of it and most assume that it's unmanageable. Plus we are constantly styling our hair and sometimes you are going to have bad hair days it happens I've had plenty already but never did I feel I needed a relaxer NO ONE NEEDS ONE, I don't care what anyone says. What we need more than anything else is healthy hair practices.
Some that choose to relax for convenience because they don't relearn to manage their natural hair is undertsandanble and different from saying that some ppl NEED a relaxer cause the fact is no one NEEDS ONE.

 

[MAMATO]

No one???

Isnt that a Taliban's mindset to dictate to others what they need and what they don't.

At this point of your life you surely dont need one.

At this point of my life I feel I need one.



Freedom of choice, as simple as that

 

[CenteredGirl]

Brillo pad checking in. I beleive my hair is a major trip. Finally decided to let it tell me how to take care of it. I only wash 1 per month. I wear my hair flat ironed now most of the time. It likes this very much. My hair needs it's own sebum to grow. By week 3, I can smell it. And although my hair doesn't smell great, it sure looks beautiful. No heat damage because I get a good dose of sebum along with a bit of *gasp* lanolin.

With the money I used to spend on tons of products, I have been able to put a bunch of it towards the purchase of a new car.

 

[healthyhair2]

I , for one, can tell you that my hair became so difficult to manage as a natural that I did relax it. My hair is very thick and kinky/cottony. I took very good care of it. Once it got to a certain length(past7 inches)it became more difficult to deal with. The tangles were off the hook!! I would use half a bottle of conditioner to detangle BEFORE I shampooed. Conditioner washes did not work for me, so I used No sls shampoo or a shampoo bar. I would think it was detangled,but iwould end up with a couple of matts in it. I gave up and relaxed and haven't ever wished to be natural again. It may sound harsh to some but, I can retain length now. I had a setback at a salon and still I will not transition again. I like being able to comb my hair.

 

[loolalooh]

No.

I believe that most people who have such trouble with their natural hair are fighting with their hair too much. My cousin has natural hair that can be EXACTLY like a brillo pad. The best styles for her are braids and cornrows. I believe that everyone can find a hair style that works with their texture.

The only time when a perm is necessary IMO is when you want to wear your hair straight more than you want to wear it natural AND you have a texture of hair that would make that extremely difficult and time consuming.

No one NEEDS a chemical relaxer, it's all about preference.

Thank you! Well put.

 

[darlingdiva]

I don't believe this at all.

How do you wear you hair most days? How long is it? When is the last time you trimmed? When was the last time you changed up your products?

How often do you co-wash? Are you still using regular shampoo?



I have very very fine hair that tangles up no matter what I do. My hair routine was cut in half when i did several things...

Stopped using products that did nothing for my hair. I can only use fatty conditioners and natural shampoos. If I keep trying to go back to glycerin (Infusium, CON, Keracare, Mizani and my hair NEVER mixed) and products with similar ingredients, my hair rebels.

I keep my hair sectioned. If I don't have to go anywhere, my hair is in twists or braids. As soon as I get home, I spray my hair with aloe vera juice or water. Put in some leave-in conditioner and coconut oil and braid it right on up. I NEVER wash n go. Ever. If I do, I know what to expect when it's time for me to wash my hair.

Every single day I know that I have to remove the shed hair and braid and moisturize my hair or it's gonna be a problem.

Personally, I would shave my head before I subject myself to a relaxer again... but that's just me.

1QTPie, your hair sounds so much like mine!!!! I too keep my hair sectioned & I don't dare do wash n' gos or else I'll be in hair he11!!! I also have very very fine hair that tangles no matter what I do (keeping it stretched, not over-manipulating it, giving it the proper balance of protein & moisture, etc.)

OP, I don't feel that anyone has hair so difficult that they have to relax/texlax. It's all about finding out what works for your hair & deciding whether you're willing to do that. I also dread wash day b/c it takes so long (I wash & condition my hair in eight sections). That system works for my hair, though, so I'm going to stick with it.

 

[oooop2]

I think if I had to spend hours detangling my hair, I would go back to my BC before relaxing. But I've been natural for over 12yrs, so I just can't see myself going back to relaxing my hair. But I also know my option doesn't work for everyone, so folks have to do what works best of them.

My hair is also type 4a/b.

I think one thing that has helped loosen as well as thicken up my strands is the regular use of henna.

I also detangle this way and hasn't had any issues:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=380978&highlight=oooop2

I'm currently in a twisting for growth challenge, so I wear my hair twisted a lot.

But when not twisted, I can wear a detangled fro without any issues:

My advice would be to find the style/technique that works best for your hair and stick to it.

 

[mswoman]

Just use Vinegar to wash your hair with water let it soak and no more brillo pad feel.... My grandma told me that. I can't use infusium 23 by itself and I have to have my hair completely dry then add products... Apple vinegar is also great.

 

[Aggie]

While I do agree that there is no such thing as completely unruly hair, I voted for relaxing/texlaxing helps to make my hair more manageable. I prefer easier management of my hair so I texlax it now.

 

[MAMATO]

Just chiming in to say that I LOVE your hair... so beautiful Aren't you more 4A than 4B? Anyways, your texture is very nice

I think if I had to spend hours detangling my hair, I would go back to my BC before relaxing. But I've been natural for over 12yrs, so I just can't see myself going back to relaxing my hair. But I also know my option doesn't work for everyone, so folks have to do what works best of them.

My hair is also type 4a/b.

I think one thing that has helped loosen as well as thicken up my strands is the regular use of henna.

I also detangle this way and hasn't had any issues:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=380978&highlight=oooop2

I'm currently in a twisting for growth challenge, so I wear my hair twisted a lot.

But when not twisted, I can wear a detangled fro without any issues:

My advice would be to find the style/technique that works best for your hair and stick to it.

 

[tasigurl]

We have very similar hair types. I dread washing my hair too! So before I wash I plate my hair in 4 to 6 sections. Then I wash with diluted sulfate free sham or co-wash, rinse and each plate separate. It takes no time at all to detangle while conditioning because the plats keep the tangle out. I squeeze as much water out as I can and or towel BLOT each plat and then add cream hair dress running it thru with my fingers thru each plat. I add more products when I twist for my twistout.

I think that each person has to decide how they want to address their hair. It’s on your head. You do HAVE to take care of your hair. The How is up to you. You do what you are comfortable with. Chemical services may or may not be the solution for you and you don’t have to justify your choice of hair care to any one. Might I suggest, that 1. should you go the chemical route you seek a knowledgeable (one that is well versed in natural and chemical hair care) professional. and 2. that you empower yourself with knowledge so that you can make an informed decision on your hair care.

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

I'm sure that is what some salons and relaxer manufacturers would like you to think. Your "difficult" hair is continual profits for them.

 

[Daughter]

I'm sure that is what some salons and relaxer manufacturers would like you to think. Your "difficult" hair is continual profits for them.

ITA! Notice that shampoos and other products often say "for damaged hair", "for dry hair", "for oily hair", not so much for "normal" hair, whatever that is . The beauty industry as a whole thrives on us thinking that there is something inherently wrong that must be fixed, IMO.

When I first tried to go natural I HATED trying to do my hair, I thought it was just about impossible. Thankfully over time (and later finding LHCF and NP) I've found many tips that help me to keep my hair on point.

 

[oooop2]

Just chiming in to say that I LOVE your hair... so beautiful Aren't you more 4A than 4B? Anyways, your texture is very nice

I love your hair also. Yep my hair is predominately 4a, with a some 4b in the crown area.