Does any natural feel less attractive when hair is un-straightened?

[a_ caribbean_dream]

Or am I the only one?

Just thought I would also mention that I have no deep underlying self hatred for myself or my culture. I love being who I am. I recognize that I have other great attributes besides being black, and sometimes the world takes that superficial characteristic at first glance and defines you solely based upon that fact. But of course I'm going on a tangent here. Let me bring things back full circle.....

I just can't seem to wrap my mind around these feelings I feel. Why am I not COMPLETELY comfortable with wearing my hair naturally kinky? I also don't understand why I find myself less attractive when my hair is unstraightened.

Does anyone else feel the same way?
Let's talk ladies...

 

[jamaraa]

I'm the opposite. When I had my relaxer for the 2.5 secs that I did, I always felt bald headed and scalped. I think it's an issue of what you're used to and I was used to my full thick hair. I am better about pressed hair since it doesn't attempt to remove all texture, but there's nothing I hate more for myself then super "limp" hair.

Perhaps you feel that way because you are used to seeing yourself and feeling your hair straight.

 

[Poohbear]

I feel just as beautiful when my natural hair is straight and when my natural hair is un-straightened.

 

[JustKiya]

Heh, funny, I didn't expect that when I voted. Heh.

I feel more 'myself' with my hair unstraightened - but that's because I've lived with my hair natural most of my life. My relaxed hair left me feeling - bald, somehow. I have a big head... I need big head to carry it off, and I'm a big girl, overall - I feel like my natural hair just - matches me so much better than straight hair would - so I can't help but be more confident, and the more confident I am in myself, the more attractive I feel.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Nope!!!!!! Can't relate to you here OP. I'm sexy no matter how I wear my hair.

 

[PuffyBrown]

I really did not have a place to cast a vote. I am at the point that I feel comfortable with myself however I wear my hair. I personally do not wear my hair for somebody else and if somebody else doesn't like the way my hair looks than good, because it is not their hair anyways.
I try to look at myself from within and use all the blessings that God has bestowed to me. I have the ability to wear my hair straight or not straight by just running water over my head, (not really, I'm relaxed); but just the idea of how my hair is when it is not relaxed or when I need a touch-up. How many people can do that?

Another thing is that some people even act crazy if you are not getting a touch up every 6 weeks. Sometimes people make comments about things because they are curious about you and want to know more personal and intimate about you and are too shy or "stupid" to just ask.

So many people are curious about our hair type and they find every way to ask questions about our hair and beat around the bush. Sometimes their comments can be offensive but I just look past that and try to get to the root of the problem. If that person is just trying to be mean than who gives a crap..you were better off without their compliment anyway...

 

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

I'm currently in the mental transition to accept my natural hair. There are good days and bad days, days I feel pretty, days when I don't. Tonight is a good night . It also helps that I have an SO who adores my natural hair.

 

[Rain20]

Maybe its more about length and styling. Maybe you feel better able style your hair when its straight. I have never been a great braider or twister. I am not very creative when it comes to styling. Maybe if you looked in a magazine and tried to recreate more natural styles you would feel just as attractive. Everything is a process. Whatever makes you feel comfortable is what's best for you.

 

[klowdnyne]

It's been a journey, but I now feel just as sexy with my natural hair. Actually, as it's getting longer, I'm feeling sexier with it natural. If I ever get to my goal length, y'all won't be able to tell me nuttin'!!

 

[jennifermb]

I voted same. I wear my hair both curly and straight on a equal basis. I feel "cute" when my hair is curly, and "conventionally pretty" when my hair is straight. I'm still trying to find a natural style that fits my baby face.

 

[jerjer29]

well i think saying 'self hatred' is a little harsh ..but i think you still have that idea in your head that straight hair is probably more glamorous and sexy, because we never see like a Victoria Secrets model with curly/kinky hair. Typically people show curls as being more fun and cute versus sexy.

i'm only transitioning so i can't really vote but i'm sure i wouldn't mind my hair being unstraightened, that's the whole point of me even wanting natural hair. not so much of the fact that relaxers having completely effed over my hair lol

 

[aja1121]

Now.......because my hair is heat damaged I feel more confident when I wear it straight and out. I wear a bun 99% of the time and they get REAL old and boring. However, prior to my heat damage, I felt beautiful either way.

It is more about the style for me and not the texture.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I feel more like myself with my hair in its unstraightened state. I wouldn't say that I feel prettier or increased confidence just more me

 

[RedVelvet310]

I actually feel LESS attractive if my hair IS straightened... I feel so.. generic, like everybody else. When my hair is natural I feel like a Black Queen (the best Queen to be IMHO)

 

[apemay1969]

This is a good thread.

I feel more empowered and accepting of myself when my hair is natural. I feel more socially accepted and I turn heads when I'm straightened. I don't feel as attractive though when my hair is straight or if I have on a straight wig or half wig. I feel diminished somehow, if that makes sense. It's like I don't embrace my full power unless I'm kinky curly with a fro or a twist out. I don't even like to bun my natural hair. I just want to be a lioness. Roarrrr!

Funny though but when I go to the club or something, I have the urge to put on a half wig or something and be 'club fine' but when I'm out at a festival or downtown, I want to be 'serene fine'.

babbling now. i'm done.

I voted more confident when unstraightened, BTW.

 

[apemay1969]

I actually feel LESS attractive if my hair IS straightened... I feel so.. generic, like everybody else. When my hair is natural I feel like a Black Queen (the best Queen to be IMHO)

'dit' to the 'to'

 

[aja1121]

This is a good thread.

I feel more empowered and accepting of myself when my hair is natural. I feel more socially accepted and I turn heads when I'm straightened. I don't feel as attractive though when my hair is straight or if I have on a straight wig or half wig. I feel diminished somehow, if that makes sense. It's like I don't embrace my full power unless I'm kinky curly with a fro or a twist out. I don't even like to bun my natural hair. I just want to be a lioness. Roarrrr!

Funny though but when I go to the club or something, I have the urge to put on a half wig or something and be 'club fine' but when I'm out at a festival or downtown, I want to be 'serene fine'.

babbling now. i'm done.


I voted more confident when unstraightened, BTW.

Same here, I guess it all boils down to if a person lets society dictate how they feel about themselves.

 

[santwon]

I didn't really have my option on there either. This poll kinda assumes one has straightened their natural hair...but I haven't yet. So I guess I can't HONESTLY say. But I feel beautiful with my hair just the way it is. And I feel so much more comfortable with myself and being myself and expressing myself with my hair this way...that I don't really want to straighten it. I HAVE thought about buying a phony pony or something as an option, but not much more than that...

 

[glam-]

It's been a journey, but I now feel just as sexy with my natural hair. Actually, as it's getting longer, I'm feeling sexier with it natural. If I ever get to my goal length, y'all won't be able to tell me nuttin'!!

I feel more like myself with my hair in its unstraightened state. I wouldn't say that I feel prettier or increased confidence just more me

The bolded pretty much expresses how I feel.

I crave straightening it to see my growth, but after a day or two I'm bored with it- it feels like everybody else's hair. But I feel more authentic - like this is the way God designed me to be- when it's in its natural state.

OP- maybe part of it is the length- when my hair was shorter and shrinkage was kicking my butt I didn't feel as attractive with my hair in its natural state. I feel like I need big hair to balance out my looks and the little wash'n'go wasn't cutting it.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

Unstraightened. I've had chubby cheeks my entire life, regardless of my size, I've always had full face, so straight hair made me feel sooo and having fine hair didn't help. Big, unstraightened hair complements my face better.

 

[thaidreams]

In all honestly I think I'm beautiful both ways, but I do see a difference in the way people look at me when my hair is straight vs. curly/kinky. For the most part it is black people who look at me negatively when my hairs not straight, espcially the men. I believe they have just been brought up to believe that straight is beautiful and now with the times changing that 3a/b/c hair is beautiful. It's just when you get down to the 4's that for some reason it's not as acceptable.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

I haven't voted because I'm not sure how I really feel. I think I may feel more sexy with my hair straight because straight hair was always for grown ups and curly hair was for children (in my family). When my hair is straight, I feel more mature and sexy. When it's curly, I feel fun and young. As I'm approaching 30, it seems like fun and young may feel more attractive.

I'm not sure.

 

[BostonMaria]

I feel better being natural, BUT I love the length when I straighten. I think that once I can wear my natural hair down and it actually sits on my shoulders I'll feel "prettier" when I wear it out. I do feel perdy when I wear my hair straight, but I get bored with it very quickly. I feel like I look like everybody else.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Hey - I am grateful to have hair... I could be bald....

So - I try to just love my self no matter how my hair looks. I am too old to worry about it.

 

[hairedity]

Unstraightened. I've had chubby cheeks my entire life, regardless of my size, I've always had full face, so straight hair made me feel sooo and having fine hair didn't help. Big, unstraightened hair complements my face better.

OMG I thought I was the only one!!! ...it's such a rare thing... no matter my size, the cheeks stay erplexed I'm transitioning and wondered about that, thought bigger hair would make the cheeks look fuller, so I'm so glad to read that your experience has been that it complements your face better. Hope I have the same results

 

[BillsBackerz67]

i feel bald with thin hair when i wear it straight..so no.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Straight is too high maintanence. And I am uncomforable with the texture now that I have not had a full head of straight hair for close to 2 years now.

 

[omnipadme]

I love my natural hair, but people around me-i e co-workers will always compliment me when I do a rollerset. I do a rollerset every other week and the same attorney will stop by my desk every time (like his opinion matters) and say- Mary, I like your hair. I'm thinking hmmm...how interesting I need to hear this EVERY TIME i rollerset and my hair is straight.

 

[NigerianGirl]

Honestly, I am shamed to say that eventhough I have been natural for 4 and a half years...I feel more attractive with my hair pressed. I think because there is not shrinkage, the length is longer, and my appaearance changes drastically. I too have experienced the co-worker that comments on the hair when pressed or in a bantu knot-out style. I only had myhair pressed once which was recently. Maybe that is why I am starting to think that maybe I look better with my hair straight. I dunno.....erplexed

 

[TheNewFine]

I understand where you're coming from, OP. I think it is the reactions of others that can make us naturals feel uncomfortable. My SO says nothing when I wear my hair natural, which is, about oh, 49 weeks out of the year. But the minute I straighten it, he is all grins and compliments. I straightened it this past week and you would not believe how many people at work stopped me and complimented me. That's them..

For ME, I loooooooove my natural hair. I adore it, reverence it and apologize that I ever srtaightened it and didn't have faith in its beauty. It's who I really am. I don't have to duck in and out of the shower, I can hop in the steam room or sauna and relax. I can work out at the gym, outside, with my SO and its all good - no worries about reverting.

OP, you're not crazy. The reactions are out there to make us feel uncomfortable..to conform. It's just the subtle and not so subtle ways people react and the things they say. We are all human and can get the negativity in our system.

But I have never seen a sister that didn't look better rocking her natural hair than a relaxed head. To ME, it feels right and looks like she is walking in her heritage and natural glory...to ME.