Does any natural feel less attractive when hair is un-straightened?

[a_ caribbean_dream]

I would say "other". I feel more confident/beautiful when I change my hair. So when I straighten, I feel more confident and beautiful than I did in the preceding days.

Once I wash my hair and style it in it's kinky state, I once again feel a surge of confidence and feel more beautiful than in the preceding days.

I hope that makes sense. It's just like how you feel great when you leave the salon because you just got your hair done. After awhile, that feeling wears off until you get it freshly done again. It doesn't really matter what state it's in...it's the newness of it that makes the difference for me.

LOL, I am just a complete mess because I also could TOTALLY relate to your post as well. After having my hair straight for awhile I get sick of it. I want to see my massive head of natural kinks. It does also make me feel different like what Ebony Majesty said-"I don't blend in." I look forward to washing and caring for my hair after its straightened. Thanks for articulating those feelings that I feel at times for me also!

p.s. I know your natural hair is probably thriving and on its way to WL by now. Your hair is so gorgeous!

 

[a_ caribbean_dream]

So far through your responses I am summing up that these factors all attribute to the feelings that I feel:

-length; the fact that length is not really shown when my hair is in its natural state. My shrinkage is crazy. I love/hate it.

-conformity : I am feeling the need to conform to the others surrounding me who all look alike.

-styling issue: Dak in an earlier post referred "to liking her curls but not being able to style her curls for her face." Maybe if I were to find other natural styles besides flexi-rod sets, twisting, and the other usual suspects I would feel more confident and comfortable with my natural hair.
(But I refuse to straighten it until the earliest November...this cycle has to end.)


I also wanted to mention that what Samantha Jones said is so true. It really made me re-focus for a minute and allowed me to become re-grounded. Just being blessed enough to have hair to manipulate is wonderful. And I need to practice appreciating that.

I seemed to have forgotten that certain people envy the fact that we as women with highly-textured hair can manipulate and change hairstyles like the wind! Along with hairstyles are accessories and makeup and they can really make you look like a totally different person. Being able to switch up and keep it exciting is fun. And essentially a real blessing.

 

[tiara76]

For me i just had to get comfortable with it....I dont think it had much to do with feeling unattractive over what am i supposed to do with it, how do i "style" it......I had absolutely no clue on top of the fact I just wasn't used to it

 

[anon123]

It's been so long since I had my hair straightened, going on 7 years now, that I don't even remember what it feels like. But I don't remember feeling prettier. I think it might have been what Lauren450, a fresh salon job makes you think your hair looks better. Just like the last time I had my hair cornrowed where it blended into 2 afro puffs, a bit more recently around 4 years ago. I remember walking out of the salon, somewhat dazed from the pain, thinking I looked fly. Same thing for when I got my hair braided with extensions 2 years ago. hmm, you can see I don't get my hair done very often.

 

[glamazon386]

No... but I do feel sexier with some styles over others.

 

[Ediese]

This is a pretty interesting post. If I was asked this a couple years ago, I would have voted that yes. Back then, I couldn't fathom not wearing my super straight. Now, I love my hair either way I wear it. I feel that I look beautiful and sexy either way. I especially love to wear my hair in a bun when my hair is natural. I don't think it looks as good when my hair is straight, and I put it in a bun. Who would have thought that I'd feel comfortable enough to do that. Back in the day, I was the girl that couldn't stand to see a hint of kink.

 

[ToyToy]

Well, I don't straighten my hair, but I wear braids a lot. But I feel just as attractive when my hair is in braids and when it's out. But it has taken me some time to get here, so I understand where you are coming from, OP. HTH

 

[Paradox]

I feel this way sometimes. I'm happy to know I am not alone... What were the yahoo answers responses?

Well here is my question:
Why does it feel like I look so much better with straight hair?

I know this may be controversial, but I have been thinking about this for a long while. Does any other black women with natural hair feel this way. I can't be imaging things. I get positive feedback from my braid out and my straighten hair, however I look soo much better with it straighten.
The Answers:
1. It's just your personal opinion about yourself.
I'm sure if you showed a picture of yourself to about 100 people, not all of those 100 people will say your hair looks better straight.( I choose this one as best answer it made alot of sense to me, 100 people would not feel the same)
2.just because youre black doesn't mean you have to do ot the original way braided. if thats what matches u and makes you feel good and look good then you shouldnt feel guilty about it,but u should embrace it
3.Because our culture embraces straight hair. Models have straight hair, not natural hair. It's just the standard of American beauty right now. In the 70s natural black hair was hot.
4.You probably feel more confident with the way you look w/it straight. Whatever reason it's personal preference.
5. its just your personal preference

Everyone made it seem so simple, I was looking for a deep psychological reason...

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

I feel more like "myself" now that I am natural. I feel like this is the way I was meant to be... if that makes any sense at all. When I was relaxed, I felt like my head stuck out too much b/c my straight hair was nearly plastered to my head. I always craved more volume. And while having patience with my hair is/has been an issue - relaxed or natural, I'm feeling more like ME being natural. And I've never gotten SOOOOO many compliments on my hair. That's an added bonus.

 

[napbella]

A couple of times a year I get my hair straighten and I always end up feeling ordinary. I guess because I look just like everyone else. When I wear my nappy kinks I feel extraordinary. People either like it or they don't but I feel special and uncommon. I like that feeling.

 

[Zawaj]

Maybe its more about length and styling. Maybe you feel better able style your hair when its straight. I have never been a great braider or twister. I am not very creative when it comes to styling. Maybe if you looked in a magazine and tried to recreate more natural styles you would feel just as attractive. Everything is a process. Whatever makes you feel comfortable is what's best for you.

It is for me! I actually feel the most attractive with short straight hair. I'm learning to like short (plus shrinkage) natural hair but I loved my long natural hair.

 

[cutiebe2]

I felt/ feel very unattractive in a TWA...but that's because it was just not matching the shape of my face. I haven't straightened my hair in 2.5 years. I would lik eto see it straight but my goal is to be able to wear my hair natural and have it fall past my shoulders

 

[justsimply]

I voted that I feel more confident natural, but in truth, I feel most confident in locs. If my hair was this length and loose I don't think I would like it as much as I do now...I'd like it but not as much. Locs was the style that fit me most in the past, and now that I'm back it doesn't matter that my hair is short, I LOVE it (and I'm not really big on short hair on me).

 

[MeccaMedinah]

I feel most confident when my hair is in its natural state. But, I know that it's cute straightened as well.

 

[SouthernTease]

I'm currently in the mental transition to accept my natural hair. There are good days and bad days, days I feel pretty, days when I don't. Tonight is a good night . It also helps that I have an SO who adores my natural hair.

Ditto on everything !!!

I think it's a matter of accepting yourself

finding yourself and who you truly are...

do you really enjoy being natural?

or are you concerned about what other people think?

 

[Mystic]

I totally understand where you are coming from. Just give it some time. When your natural hair gets longer, you will begin to feel better when you wear out in it's natural state. When I BC to .4", I wore my hair out because I liked the way the style fitted my face. However, from 3-5", I wasn't comfortable wearing it out because it did nothing for my face; didn't look cute. Now that it's getting longer, it's beginning to compliment my face more which encourages me to wear it out more.

Don't feel bad though, your feelings are valid and real.

Or am I the only one?

Just thought I would also mention that I have no deep underlying self hatred for myself or my culture. I love being who I am. I recognize that I have other great attributes besides being black, and sometimes the world takes that superficial characteristic at first glance and defines you solely based upon that fact. But of course I'm going on a tangent here. Let me bring things back full circle.....

I just can't seem to wrap my mind around these feelings I feel. Why am I not COMPLETELY comfortable with wearing my hair naturally kinky? I also don't understand why I find myself less attractive when my hair is unstraightened.

Does anyone else feel the same way?
Let's talk ladies...

 

[Growinpainz]

before I did the bc I thought I would but I didn't/don't. I actually feel prettier and everyone else seems to think so too.

 

[NuBraveHeart]

i know there was a time when i was younger that i didn't like my hair natural; i bought into the "long and straight is beautiful and nappy is ugly". as i grew older, i found out that the same people that complimented me on my straight hair when i had it relaxed, complimented me on my natural hair when i stopped wearing a relaxer for some years. i discovered that only i paid attention. my personality shined through or was accentuated by any hair style i wore, because i was real.

i know people have their preferences for black hair, but i really was too worried about what others were thinking. now, i really love both. i find my hair MUCH more obedient when relaxed, but much healthier when natural. so, i'm thinking over texlaxing now, something that i discovered on LHCF, as i have quite a bit of new growth, just to try it.

good luck with your self-discovery.

 

[Misshairdiva]

When I first wore my hair in a wash in go in its curly state, I felt very unattractive, having worn my hair relaxed and straight for the last 25 years. As my hair got longer, I started to feel more attractive. Now, since my hair is down my back, I LOVE my long curly hair! I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I want to be honest here, I did.

 

[MekyakaKinkerbelle]

For me, length has everything to do with - regardless of straight or natural. Loved my hair when it was in a TWA, and I love it again now. But I was in this really weird in-between awkward length for a while and I HATED it. There was no style, so I felt like it just wasn't me.

Same with when I used to wear it straight. I've had short cuts before that I loved, but there were the in-between phases when I was growing it out that made me feel uncomfortable with my hair.

 

[kadej]

I like my hair natural and straightened depending on the length... I know it's bad, but to me length makes the most impact for me... when my hair is in a weird "in-between" phase (length-wise), I don't feel like it looks good at all.

 

[Millahdoowop]

I just want to say... I'm over straight hair. I have no idea when I will straighten again. I feel more attractive with longer hair. I love my hair natural.

 

[nicey]

I love my nap naturally curly hair. I am just waiting for it to grow longer so I can display it more.

 

[nomoweavesfome]

ooh - yep - this is a very good thread - I may subscribe. I personally feel the same. I don't have any self hatred either, but fuller, straight hair suits me best. It can be super short or super long, but thin and kink/curl does not suit me as much in my opinion. I do feel much less attractive and this is part of the psychological part of my transition. I also have fundamental struggles about being sociably accepted amongst non african american counterparts being that that is a large part of my social circle academically and professionally. I wonder if I would be taken seriously in certain styles like my current cornrows and not be discriminated against or confused with being ghetto. I'm not going to lie and say these are not issues for me. Hopefully my mindset over time will change. I'm still a newly transitioner.

 

[KweenBeeDiva]

I do feel more beautiful when my hair is straightened, and the reason so is because it's DONE!!! Don't get me wrong, I don't walk outta the house looking like boo-the-fool, but with my natural, and I love my hair in it's natural state dearly, but it's the same ol' same ol' everyday thing (with the exception of my nappy weaves).

When I get my hair pressed, it's usually for a special occassion, or a pick-me-up when I feel bad. Same with weaves. Twists, afro/puffs, extention braids, nat'ral conrows, and the like are so a part of what do most of the time that it gets boring. So I have my hair pressed from time to time.

 

[MJ]

I've never straightened my natural hair before, ever. So I don't know what that experience feels like.

However, I'm over the short hair natural thing. It doesn't suit my face. I was a short-haired natural (neck length and shorter) most of my life. I was miserable with my hair most of the time, because I didn't look good.

As such, I'm wearing low-manipulation, protective styles until I get the length I desire. In the meantime, I fantasize about wearing gorgeous wash-and-go buns, fat twists, lengthy cornrows, straight ponytails, Tracyee buns, SouthernTease buns, flat ironed and pincurled locks, luscious...

I can't wait .

 

[clever]

I feel too powerful/sex kittenish with big,wild hair so I do tend to straighten it but thats a whole nother story.lol

 

[lovinglength]

I love my hair styled both ways. I feel my hair is WAY thicker and healthier in its natural state than when I had a relaxer, and I feel I have many more styling options.

 

[DozenRoses99]

I feel like I look better with my hair straightened, but mainly because of the length. I'm still trying to get used to the major shrinkage that comes with natural hair. As my hair gets longer, I am feeling better about it. Also, the process of getting to know what products and techniques make my natural look its best takes some getting used to. Since I was relaxed for almost 20 years of my life, I pretty much knew what to do to make my straight hair look nice and neat. So, I am more confident that I can achieve the look that I intended when I do the staight styles. With the un-straightened hair, it is still hit or miss some days.

 

[BostonMaria]

I notice that when my natural hair is straight I'll dress up more, put make-up on, feel cute... I think its because of LENGTH and not necessarily hatred of my curls. If that were the case I'd flatiron more often, not once a month like I do now. I love my curls, but I am style-challenged. Plus I'm usually protecting it in a bun so that's not sexy (well in my eyes).

I always think that if I lose 20 lb I'll look prettier natural.I keep thinking short curly hair makes me look fat.