I don't Want Nappy Hair

[Country gal]

statements. Should I be offended by those statements? I have noticed folks telling me in reference to their hair that they don't want nappy hair. I complemented this sista the other day because she got a hair cut. She proceeded to tell me she wanted to cut it shorter but her stylist talked her out of it. She said short hair requires a lot of maintence. Her stylist didn't want her walking around with no nappy hair. I just smiled thinkign to myself that I have nappy hair. My neighbor husband told her to wear a wig because he don't want her walking around with a nappy head. I am proud to be nappy but I see so many folks using it in a negative contatation (sp).

 

[HoneyDew]

That is a shame really. I love nappy hair! Everytime I see a girl wearing her hair naturally nappy/curly I am jealous! It is a shame that they can't except out hair.

 

[shaydufblu]

that's the one issue i have with that word. most people who use it aren't saying anything positive!

 

[locabouthair]

i had to go through that a lot when i was natural. i think that people will always have negative attitudes about hair that isn't wavy or type 3. you just have to ignore it.

 

[patient1]

Ignore it. People are certainly entitled to their preferences. It would be pleasant if they could word it in a more enlightened fashion, but hey....

Nobody's says a word to me about my hair BUT I'm beginning to think I'm either a) very beautiful...so beautiful in fact that I can do no hair or clothing wrong or b) possess a "Be Easy with the BS" energy that makes folks pause...and then drop it altogether.

My vote is for the latter.

Perhaps you could expand their hair perspective in that teachable moment. I don't believe in trying to convert people to natural hair, but I do like to plant the seed of "accepting" it when I can. Particularly in young folks.

p1

p.s. I wonder if any relaxed sisters have to deal with the converse from natural women. As in, "Uhn, uhn! I don't do fried hair?" Idk, what's the equivalent of "nappy" for relaxed hair? A word that is only negative when used a certain way?

 

[angie10]

This goes back to what I was saying at another thread. You're always going to find people that won't like natural hair, and you will always find people that don't believe in relaxing. You can't always please everybody and you shouldn't try to. Don't let it bother you, let them deal with their own issues. I'm pretty sure you know your hair is beautiful, which it is; So dust it off and keep moving

 

[dicapr]

What did they mean by nappy? Some people use that term meaning their hair is jacked up, not texture. And no, you shouldn't be offended. I mean, its not like you want straight hair. I would think if they thought of your hair as being something undesirable they would say it behind your back-isn't that the way it normally goes. I would only worry about what is said behind your back.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I think when people outside of the hairboard world use the word nappy they aren't refering to kinky/coily hair, I think they are referring to hair that is uncombed and dry looking. I hear people call relaxed heads 'nappy' all the time. I def. don't think it's refering to the hair type, moreso the look of the hair.

 

[locabouthair]

I think when people outside of the hairboard world use the word nappy they aren't refering to kinky/coily hair, I think they are referring to hair that is uncombed and dry looking. I hear people call relaxed heads 'nappy' all the time. I def. don't think it's refering to the hair type, moreso the look of the hair.

thats true also.

 

[Reece1337]

Country gal, I've been thinking the same thing.............everytime I turn around, my friends are talking about "guuuuurl, I need a perm so bad. I can't have my hair all nappy like this." And I'm sitting there like Exactly how am I supposed to take that? That they wouldn't walk around looking like me?? Most of the time, they don't even have 1/4 inch of newgrowth. It's not that their hair is dry, damaged or falling to the floor. They mean that textured hair is coming in from the roots, making their hair look "unruly". However, I do understand that dealing with 2 textures can be annoying. Another instance was when a friend was talking about her baby cousin, to the tune of ".....man, I couldn't deal with that Kunta Kente hair, she need a perm" Mind you, her cousin is four y/o. My defenses kicked in, and I asked her what she meant. She quickly retorted "oh naw, not you, your hair isn't like that. You can't even comb through hers". But, in the back of my mind, I'm like "Tell me how you really feel.............."

 

[AKA-Tude]

p1

p.s. I wonder if any relaxed sisters have to deal with the converse from natural women. As in, "Uhn, uhn! I don't do fried hair?" Idk, what's the equivalent of "nappy" for relaxed hair? A word that is only negative when used a certain way?

Yes, I know I have.

It doesn't bother me, but it's the way some of the responses come off.
One girl had gotten her natural hair flatironed. She said she liked it but couldn't do it all the time. I told her to do it whenever bcuz it was better than getting the chemicals in it. She scrunched her nose at me & said something to the effect of the flat iron still changing the texture of the hair- it wouldn't be natural.

***Hell, don't scrunch yo nose @ me- I just made a suggestion!**

Heck, I wish I had the courage to go natural again. I ain't as patient as I used to be (I did it about 10 years ago).

I say, Wear yo hair any which way you want to- IT'S YOURS!!!!

 

[Cheleigh]

I dunno. I suppose I'm not supposed to be offended, so I'm not. People sometimes say this to/around me too. I guess I'm supposed to temporarily disassociate from the fact that I'm currently displaying said nappy hair publicly.

 

[RosesBlack]

I get offended when someone asks about my naps in a rude way. For instance I was in the beauty supply store a few months ago and I was wearing a braid out, a lady asked me (in a really snotty way) why I was "pretending" to be natural. Then proceeded to give me this big lecture about how I'm "denying my blackness" I'm really proud of myself I didn't go off on her.

My decision to relax my hair has mostly to do with the fact that I can't take care of my natural hair by myself and I can't afford to have it done by a pro. I have had all natural hair and honestly with my nutso curl anti-pattern I did more damage just trying to keep it looking nice than anything else.

In that sort of case I get offended. But I am proud to say I LOVE naps. Yours, mine, all of em.

 

[LynnieB]

statements. Should I be offended by those statements? I have noticed folks telling me in reference to their hair that they don't want nappy hair. I complemented this sista the other day because she got a hair cut. She proceeded to tell me she wanted to cut it shorter but her stylist talked her out of it. She said short hair requires a lot of maintence. Her stylist didn't want her walking around with no nappy hair. I just smiled thinkign to myself that I have nappy hair. My neighbor husband told her to wear a wig because he don't want her walking around with a nappy head. I am proud to be nappy but I see so many folks using it in a negative contatation (sp).

i'm not even a natural and i've ran into this stanky attitude and was offended.

picture texturized wash and go. had a fabric headband on and 3 months of ng.

walked into a bss with my son, i think i was getting a bottle of sta-soft-fro. found it and went to stand in line to pay but the clerk was showing the customer in front of me a phony pony. here's how it went:

girl: i need a pp so i can look fly at the club tonight. what do you have in 2-tones that'd match my hair?

clerk: gurl, i gots just what you're looking for. she proceeds to grab the hair off the wall and gives it to her to try on.

girl: stuck the pp on top of her head and grabbed the mirror the clerk handed her and said, "yup, that's just what i wanted, sure don't want my head to look all nappy and sh*t while i'm dancin'."

both clerk and girl look at me :S

my son rolls his eyes and i think i turned a shade or two of pink.

hey! i don't have a problem with the word nappy.....myhair isn't straight, i can't get a comb through it without careful preparation and you can't really flip a wash n go over your shoulder as if it were ramrod straight.

in the old days i'd have said she really did need that pp cause her hair had that permed & colored to within an inch of it's life look but i'm older now and just blew it off without a word. but inside.......it bothered the hell outta me and i can't imagine if a real BAA or twist wearing sister walked in there......what sorta response would she have gotten....

hehe...just thought of a new term: nappaphobia hahahahaha!

chalk it all up to skin thickening experiences i say now and i'd like to think folks don't really mean actual harm or offense.........

 

[Netta1]

Don't take offense...educate if possible

SHOW the world YOU love your NAPPY hair and lead by example

peoples opinions are linked to their thoughts....peoples thoughts are linked to their past experiences...self hate is linked to assimilation...

and the beat goes on and on...

remember..
education is key to revelation...

 

[intellect_sensual]

I agree I think it has a lot to do with self hatred also. We as black people say that we are proud to be black all the time, but what we view as beauty stretches so far from our black roots. I believe that it is beautiful in itself that our race comes in so many shades and textures, but what we see as beautiful is lighter skin and curly hair as compared to kinky hair. This all has stemmed from slavery, where the light skinned people were allowed to work inside the house and the black ones were left outside(my opinion no proof behind it). Somehow this made us believe it was better and more beautiful to be that way. We see it and hear it everyday in the rap songs and videos, where they talk about "redbones" (nothing against light skinned females, we are all beautiful) and have all these curly haired females in their videos. This is what our younger generation listen to and growing up that is what they hair "ooh her hair is pretty" refering to curly hair, as if nappy isnt pretty also. I believe that we need to educate our future generations to embrace our roots instead of shunning them. Maybe then nappy will be used in a positive light, just like curly, and beauty will be seen in all our different shades.

 

[chica_canella]

Yeah, this guy tried to talk about me and say "Nappy" as if it offended me. It didn't. He was trying to be offensive but I took no offense. Then this girl looked at me like, "I can't believe you aren't going off on him." I just continued talking to him and he wanted me to act as if I took offense to the word nappy.

 

[ThickHair]

I say with a smirk on my face that nappy hair isn't for everyone. That person is usually thrown off or gets nervous and doesn't say anything else. I don't mind being called nappy headed even when folks who say it say it as a put down. That is there problems. Once they see they can't knock me over they move on.

 

[balisi]

I think when people outside of the hairboard world use the word nappy they aren't refering to kinky/coily hair, I think they are referring to hair that is uncombed and dry looking. I hear people call relaxed heads 'nappy' all the time. I def. don't think it's refering to the hair type, moreso the look of the hair.

I think you might be onto something here. I have had a couple of white clients with the annoying habit of referring to their own (straight) hair as "nappy." erplexed What in the world? I maintained my professionalism, held my tongue and did my job. I later asked a white stylist what they mean when they say that. Her answer was pretty much what you said, LocksOfLuV.

I never use the word "nappy" in relation to my or anyone's hair.

 

[angie10]

Yeah, this guy tried to talk about me and say "Nappy" as if it offended me. It didn't. He was trying to be offensive but I took no offense. Then this girl looked at me like, "I can't believe you aren't going off on him." I just continued talking to him and he wanted me to act as if I took offense to the word nappy.

Bingo, a lot of times people will try to say things in hope that you would get offended. I love how you handled that, because it shows that you're confidence in yourself and hair. You know your hair isn't what he's trying to discribe, so why get offended. You would have proved him right if you did get offended, and that's what he wanted. If he's using the word nappy as bad, then that's not your hair. He's trying to bring you down to make himself feel good, but it didn't work

 

[angie10]

That is there problems. Once they see they can't knock me over they move on.

I'm feeling that

 

[Country gal]

Ignore it. People are certainly entitled to their preferences. It would be pleasant if they could word it in a more enlightened fashion, but hey....

Nobody's says a word to me about my hair BUT I'm beginning to think I'm either a) very beautiful...so beautiful in fact that I can do no hair or clothing wrong or b) possess a "Be Easy with the BS" energy that makes folks pause...and then drop it altogether.

My vote is for the latter.

Perhaps you could expand their hair perspective in that teachable moment. I don't believe in trying to convert people to natural hair, but I do like to plant the seed of "accepting" it when I can. Particularly in young folks.

p1

p.s. I wonder if any relaxed sisters have to deal with the converse from natural women. As in, "Uhn, uhn! I don't do fried hair?" Idk, what's the equivalent of "nappy" for relaxed hair? A word that is only negative when used a certain way?

My friends think that my hair is not what they consider to be nappy. So they think folks say it to me because they feel my texture is very different. I think it all depends on your area. I live in a southern town so I stand out as the natural.

 

[HoneyDew]

I say with a smirk on my face that nappy hair isn't for everyone. That person is usually thrown off or gets nervous and doesn't say anything else. I don't mind being called nappy headed even when folks who say it say it as a put down. That is there problems. Once they see they can't knock me over they move on.

I like that. It would make a person go :

 

[Country gal]

I think when people outside of the hairboard world use the word nappy they aren't refering to kinky/coily hair, I think they are referring to hair that is uncombed and dry looking. I hear people call relaxed heads 'nappy' all the time. I def. don't think it's refering to the hair type, moreso the look of the hair.

Exactly. It is used as a negative meaning they don't want their hair to revert.

 

[Country gal]

Country gal, I've been thinking the same thing.............everytime I turn around, my friends are talking about "guuuuurl, I need a perm so bad. I can't have my hair all nappy like this." And I'm sitting there like Exactly how am I supposed to take that? That they wouldn't walk around looking like me?? Most of the time, they don't even have 1/4 inch of newgrowth. It's not that their hair is dry, damaged or falling to the floor. They mean that textured hair is coming in from the roots, making their hair look "unruly". However, I do understand that dealing with 2 textures can be annoying. Another instance was when a friend was talking about her baby cousin, to the tune of ".....man, I couldn't deal with that Kunta Kente hair, she need a perm" Mind you, her cousin is four y/o. My defenses kicked in, and I asked her what she meant. She quickly retorted "oh naw, not you, your hair isn't like that. You can't even comb through hers". But, in the back of my mind, I'm like "Tell me how you really feel.............."

I get the same thing.

 

[firecracker]

statements. Should I be offended by those statements? I have noticed folks telling me in reference to their hair that they don't want nappy hair. I complemented this sista the other day because she got a hair cut. She proceeded to tell me she wanted to cut it shorter but her stylist talked her out of it. She said short hair requires a lot of maintence. Her stylist didn't want her walking around with no nappy hair. I just smiled thinkign to myself that I have nappy hair. My neighbor husband told her to wear a wig because he don't want her walking around with a nappy head. I am proud to be nappy but I see so many folks using it in a negative contatation (sp).

No you shouldn't take offense to those types of statements unless you feel your hair is really nappy and your sensitive because it is.
Our hair Black kinky coily hair is considered nappy. We will never be able to change that title. Its been around for ages.
The fact that you embrace your natural hair texture and have the guts to wear it w/o regret says alot about who you are. Their comments says alot about who they are and what they prefer. We are all entitled to preferences and references as long as its not in the workplace.

I agree that the word is used negatively but I feel good knowing I can rock my natural texture as well as relaxed and look damn good doing it. Alot of folk cannot really say that nor do they have the guts to try it. Being nappy ain't for the weak minded worry bout what other motha's gotta say spirit. You already know all that though CG. Now can you give me your hair and skin please?

 

[ShaniKeys]

That is a shame really. I love nappy hair! Everytime I see a girl wearing her hair naturally nappy/curly I am jealous! It is a shame that they can't except out hair.

That's how I feel too

 

[Country gal]

Don't take offense...educate if possible

SHOW the world YOU love your NAPPY hair and lead by example

peoples opinions are linked to their thoughts....peoples thoughts are linked to their past experiences...self hate is linked to assimilation...

and the beat goes on and on...

remember..
education is key to revelation...

Then I will be excused of being the natural that rries to convert. I enlighten my friends a lot and they sometimes look at me when hair is being brought up. I saw this little girl last night and with beautiful thick hair. I was like I want her hair. My friends were like you are obsessed with hair.

 

[Country gal]

No you shouldn't take offense to those types of statements unless you feel your hair is really nappy and your sensitive because it is.
Our hair Black kinky coily hair is considered nappy. We will never be able to change that title. Its been around for ages.
The fact that you embrace your natural hair texture and have the guts to wear it w/o regret says alot about who you are. Their comments says alot about who they are and what they prefer. We are all entitled to preferences and references as long as its not in the workplace.

I agree that the word is used negatively but I feel good knowing I can rock my natural texture as well as relaxed and look damn good doing it. Alot of folk cannot really say that nor do they have the guts to try it. Being nappy ain't for the weak minded worry bout what other motha's gotta say spirit. You already know all that though CG. Now can you give me your hair and skin please?

I am proud to be black and nappy. I also fawn over beautiful hair regardless of it being relaxed, texturized or natural. I just think folks don't really think about what they are saying. I liken it to someone let's say a white person saying let me get out of the sun before I turn as black as a ******.

 

[kristina]

I haven't read the whole thread but I did make a thread awhile back on the word nappy as a derogatory term in most rl situations (outside of hair boards) and this is why i personally try not use the word. I actually have had people give me unsolicited confessions for the reasons for why they personally won't go natural (and I'm thinking to myself 'why do you assume i care?') and fortunately no one has been outright as that. I think it's a particularly sad thing for someone black to say (even if you don't want a fro, your hair type remains the same even with a chemical process). But what can I say, to the women who feel that way, I ignore it. And to the men, well, let's just say, any man I'd care to be around would be a little more conscious then to say something like that. The only person I give the nappy speech to is my mom and that's only because I love her and the relaxers are really killing her hair. You pick your battles.