Worse hair in the world!!??

[rayne]

I'm watching Maury Povich and today's topic is "My Life Would Be Different If I Could Change One Thing". There was a 9 year old bi-racial girl who said that she can't do anything with her hair. So whe wanted Maury to help her. Anyway, they showed a clip of the mother (a white lady) trying to comb her daughter's hair and she made the comment that the girl "has the worse hair in the world" and the daughter added to it by saying "what 9 year old has hair like this?". That really irritated me because the daughter has "regular" black textured hair, maybe 3c/4a. I know that our hair is different from other races, but what kind of message is that mother sending to her daughter about her hair??? I'm probably over-reacting but that really ticked me off. It's bad enough that the daughter obviuosly has a complex about it and probably gets teased by other kids, but then to have her own mother reinforcing that negativity!! WTF!!!

 

[candycane]

I totally agree with you. One of the reasons so many young girls end up developing low self esteem is because of idiotic comments like that!! /images/graemlins/mad.gif

Candycane

 

[pebbles]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I totally agree with you. One of the reasons so many young girls end up developing low self esteem is because of idiotic comments like that!! /images/graemlins/mad.gif


[/ QUOTE ] Amen!

 

[ms jadu]

I didnt watch the show, but that would bother me too.

 

[Amethyst]

Hi Rayne /images/graemlins/wave.gif

That's why I hope that Ms. Suthers from ValleyGirls thread, goes on these talk shows to dispell many of these crazy myths regarding Afro-textured hair. What I don't understand is why do non-black women copulate with black men and expect their child's hair, etc. to take after theirs? Don't they realize it is a strong possibility that the child may take after the father's side of the family, than theirs? Shouldn't they prepare for it? A black man's Afro-textured hair was good enough to run thru when they were getting their "groove" on, so now why all the complaints? Food for thought /images/graemlins/up.gif

 

[Kiadodie]

I remember being young and hated how I looked (puberty)..well I guess I said something to my mother and she told my dad and he said "so what if your not pretty". I'm 31 and can still hear that comment in my head. Parents can say the most damaging things /images/graemlins/mad.gif

 

[ms jadu]

lol. I agree on that one!

 

[londongirl3]

I think that the hair was not the problem it's the ignorance of the parent. Send that mother over here to learn some tips /images/graemlins/look.gif

 

[hairfanatic]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Anyway, they showed a clip of the mother (a white lady) trying to comb her daughter's hair and she made the comment that the girl "has the worse hair in the world" and the daughter added to it by saying "what 9 year old has hair like this?".

[/ QUOTE ]

I hear this from a lot of parents of bi-racial children. I think they just need to have an understanding of how to comb and properly care for hair texture that is totally different from theirs. We should all learn to love our hair and I too used to hate my own hair. That's why I started to relax in the first place because I thought it was too difficult for me to deal with. Now that I understand how to deal with my hair, I must say I LOVE MY HAIR. So, something as simple as both the daughter and mother being educated about caring for the hair texture can change their outlook about it.

I'm curious Rayne. What did they do to help the little girl?

 

[UmSumayyah]

I saw a kids haircare show on the view a coupla years ago a girl (9 or 10 maybe) biracial and the mom needed tips on how to care for her hair. (mom was white) well they just took her to a salon and showed the lady how to blow the girls hair out.
As much hair as this girl had (a bit past shoulder length, 3c texture, very thick and healthy) that just isn't practical. I wonder if the mom kept up with the blowouts.
Uhh, okay a blowout is nice, but what she really needed to learn was how to cornrow and use moisturizing conditioners! What does it say to the girl when tv's experts tell her that the only solution to managing her hair is to straighten it out?

 

[sassygirl125]

There's a white female in one of my classes that has an absolutely gorgeous head of reddish brown, mid-back length, would-be "Felicity" type curls. I say 'would be' because she brushes it into this bushy ponytail every day... She is always complaining about how "nappy" /images/graemlins/shocked.gif and unmanageable her "babysh** brown" colored hair is. /images/graemlins/confused.gif She must have funhouse mirrors in her house because her hair is perfect, IMO!
She says everyone in her family has stick straight hair and all through her childhood they said she was "cursed with Aunt Sheila's hair". /images/graemlins/mad.gif I told her about nc.com...

 

[sassygirl125]

Whenever white women with bi-racial children complain about not knowing what to do with their kids hair, I always wonder why the father's family doesn't help her out? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

 

[hairfanatic]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
(mom was white) well they just took her to a salon and showed the lady how to blow the girls hair out.
As much hair as this girl had (a bit past shoulder length, 3c texture, very thick and healthy) that just isn't practical.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree UmSumayyah,

Not only is it not practical, it's still teaching the child not to love their hair. Blowdrying should be an option not something that must be done in order to create a style. If anything they should have been teaching the children easy and simple ways to maintain their hair in the natural state it's in.

 

[Camille]

OK so what did they end up doing with the hair? I know that on these show they RARELY have stylists that know how to work with our hair and it is particularly embarrasing when after they work with the person and the stylist has to explain what they did to the hair. Especially if the person needed a relaxer and there wasn't enought time to do one.

 

[rayne]

Hey Amethyst /images/graemlins/wave.gif

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
What I don't understand is why do non-black women copulate with black men and expect their child's hair, etc. to take after theirs? Don't they realize it is a strong possibility that the child may take after the father's side of the family, than theirs? Shouldn't they prepare for it? A black man's Afro-textured hair was good enough to run thru when they were getting their "groove" on, so now why all the complaints?

[/ QUOTE ]
My sentiments exactly. I've read about a lot of white women that complained about that. I guess since the kids come out with "European Silky" hair they probably thought it was going to stay that way.


Kia,
You are so right. I was just talking about that to my husband and a friend of mine. My sister recently turned 13 and has told me about some of the things our mother said that hurt her feelings. I believe her because our mom did the same thing to me and I ended up having low self-esteem for years because of it /images/graemlins/cry3.gif

Hairfanatic,
They gave her a relaxer. But, unless they showed the mother how to care for her daughter's hair, that still doesn't solve the problem. How is she going to deal with the new growth, breakage, styling, etc?

 

[ngaa]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
rayne said:
They gave her a relaxer. But, unless they showed the mother how to care for her daughter's hair, that still doesn't solve the problem. How is she going to deal with the new growth, breakage, styling, etc?

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/nono.gif /images/graemlins/nono.gif /images/graemlins/nono.gif that is so sad coz unless that girl learns about moisturisin and proper care for her hair type then that lovely head full of hair will start breakin like nobody's bussiness /images/graemlins/mad.gif

ngaa /images/graemlins/drunk.gif

 

[hairfanatic]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Hairfanatic,
They gave her a relaxer. But, unless they showed the mother how to care for her daughter's hair, that still doesn't solve the problem. How is she going to deal with the new growth, breakage, styling, etc?


[/ QUOTE ]

OH NO! /images/graemlins/shocked.gif I definately agree with you Camille. What I don't understand is how could they not show the parent how to deal with the girl's natural hair but then give the parent a chemical that she knows nothing about to put in the little the girl's hair? This doesn't seem logical at all. /images/graemlins/nono.gif Applying a relaxer is a PRECISE thing and I can just see the poor little girl losing her hair. If the parent had a hard time taking care of it in it's natural state, how easy is it going to be for her to maintain the child's hair in a chemical state which requires just as much maintenance to keep it from becoming overprocessed and damaged?

 

[kasey]

Amethyst,

Hey I was thinking the exact same thing!!!

There is no excuse for these WW to remain ignorant about how to do their Black child's hair. There are books in the bookstore that show how to do black textured hair w/o the use of chemicals. Some of them are specifically targeted to children. It is the parent's responsibility to seek out such resources, ask their black relatives, and or friends, and even talk to some black hair care stylists. They should never get on national t.v and say that their child has the "worst hair in the world." It is these t.v. shows and ill-prepared parents that appear on them that continue to reinforce the stereotype that when it comes to hair is "white is right."

 

[hada]

LOL....that is an excellent point. There should be some understanding of that before "copulation".

hada

 

[BrightEyes]

Well...

I may catch flack for this, but I can't put all the blame on the White woman. Plenty of Black women have no clue how to handle 3c/4a/4b hair well. I dare say the majority "Just for Me" and "Pretty N' Silky" purchasers are Black women who plan to use it on their daughter(s). They call it making things "easier".

In addition to that, alarming amounts of BLACK people see their type 4 hair as unattractive, unmanageable, and in "need" of a relaxer. If we feel this way about our own hair, how can we expect other races to respect and appreciate it?

The majority of type 4s in this country wear relaxers or sport a press and curl as their everyday style. I hear more (Black) women saying that they have no clue how to handle natural hair than I do saying they know how to hook up a nappy head w/o heat or chemicals. I just finished talking to a BW about her progress with her daughter's 4a hair. She put a relaxer in it a few months ago and the child is TWO. Yes, 2. The number that comes after ONE. /images/graemlins/mad.gif Even then, I have few relaxed friends who received their first perms after the age of 12. I had a perm when I was nine. /images/graemlins/ohwell.gif

 

[Allandra]

I think this mother needs to learn how to care for her daughter's type of hair. Too bad Maury didn't give her the web site address to the LHCF. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[ngaa]

Re: Well...

relaxin yo daughter's hair at two aint coz u dont kno wot to do wit it but plain ole carelessness and unconcern....i used to kno this lady who was so badly burnt after usin revlon lye relaxer that she cant grow hair no more....now seriosly speakin, if this 2yr old had had her scalp badly burnt w.t.f. wud she have sed she was doin?? /images/graemlins/mad.gif this kinda thing angers me a lot coz if its too hard to manage CUT IT OFF NOT RELAX coz wen she 16 and wants long hair and will appreciate havin relaxed hair then she wont be able to!! this lady now has to wear wigs wenever she leaves the house, imagin this poor baby's who'd have to wear wigs from child-hood all 4 summin she had no say in /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

ngaa

 

[UmSumayyah]

Re: Well...

no flak. that's a good point. I didn't get my first relaxer til well into high school so I guess I just thought everybody's momma knew how to cornrow. /images/graemlins/blush.gif
now that you mention it there were alot of girls in junior high with perms...
my cousin wrote a poem reminiscing about her childhood and wrote how when she graduated elem. school she was happy to get her hair done like the older girls, i.e. relaxed.
There are resources, although they have to be sought out, for white women whose kids are partially of West African descent. Some of those interracial marriage organizations have occasional workshops at their meetings on how to care for those children's hair. maybe some black women could benefit from attendance as well. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[kasey]

Re: Well...

Thanks for your post BE.

It is the parent's responsibility to learn how to take care of their child--from finding the right schools and health care to learning how to handle their hair. Especially for a femaie child.

Just as there are plenty of examples of BW using relaxers to manage their child's hair there also are PLENTY of examples of pretty black girls with nicely braided, well-groomed, unrelaxed hair. Just yesterday I saw a black woman with her child. The woman had a relaxer. The girl had waist-length, long, unrelaxed hair in braids and was BLACK. I asked the mom what she did to do her girl's hair and she said that once a week she washed, conditioned, used a lot of detangler and braided it. (Which is basically all that black natural hair needs when you are a child.)

I have a cousin who was a single parent. He didn't know how to do his daughter's hair SO HIS SOLUTION was to take his daughter to a salon every two weeks to get her hair shampooed, conditioned and braided--no relaxer (until he got a wife. /images/graemlins/smile.gif He actually married the girl who would do his daughter's hair.

I don't think that the ENTIRE community of Black women are clueless on how to do their child's hair. (Actually little girls with unrelaxed hair have some of the longest, thickest hair. After black women unproperly relax, is when the problems seem to begin.)

As I said it is the parent's responsiblity to SEEK OUT SOLUTIONS--both black and white parents of Black children. Not traumatize the child by getting on national tv and saying that she has the worst hair in the world. I think that it is even more emotionally damaging to a Black child to be told they have "bad hair" when their mother's hair is naturally straight or considered "good hair".

Maybe I am naive because I never wore a perm--I did have some challenges years ago in H.S. But these days I don't see all this hate on black textured hair. (More celebs from Maxwell to Jill Scott are sporting the look and that has promoted more information and acceptance of all hair types.)

I don't think there is an "alarming" number of Black folk who see black hair as bad hair. A few years back in my college days, in the 90's women with short naturals were like some of hottest chicks on the campus. There was one professor who had a short natural and everyone thought she was beautiful. A few White men have told me that they like women who wear short natural hair styles.

One of my good friends looks like she has 4B or 4S short natural hair. She keeps it about one-half inch long. When we go out together she gets A LOT OF GAME.

Last summer I wore my natural hair out at my very conservative job and no one said any thing negative to me. Guys would describe the look as "banging" and "sexy." (At lunch one time one of the girls at the gig told me that I should get a perm, but everyone else at the table told her to basically shut up. I didn't have to say a word.)

I do think, however, that folks are just now getting used to seeing and managing longer naturally textured styles. But in the last few years there has been more information on how to manage natural hair. All the White sister with a Black child has to do is a little research, or when she sees the mother of a Black child with hair like her girl's, she should ask for help. We as a people are usually very generous at helping White folk understand things, especially when it comes to a child's hair.

Sorry that the note is so long and I am outta here.
--kc

 

[ms_kenesha]

I saw this show and I was so mad at the white woman with the biracial daughter did you see the brush she was trying to brush that girl's hair with!!! The reason why her hair looked so bad was her mom had no idea how to handle her hair. But they DID NOT give the girl a relaxer because they said they didn't want to do anything permanent &amp; the stylist said who knows when she gets older she might like her hair like that. They ised a ceramic flat iron &amp; flat ironed her hair.

I think all white women w/ biracial children should belong to this site!!! I also agree w/ a lot of the posters that said there ARE a lot of black women who know how to handle their children's natural hair I just think some of them get lazy and reach for the perm for the "convenience" ot it. Though my mother did it to me &amp; my sis out of serious lack of knowledge! /images/graemlins/frown.gif

I am trying to learn all I can about natural &amp; relaxed haircare. I plan to not relax my daughter's hair, but give her the option of getting it relaxed at 16, but hopefully by then she'll have had such positive hair experiences and know so much about how to care for her natural hair she won't even want one. I don't believe in doing something so permanent to your child's hair that includes dredlocs too. /images/graemlins/antlers.gif

 

[AZJeepgurl]

That's really sad! I cringe everytime I see a white woman with a bi-racial daughter with A.A. hair. I don't think enough women with bi-racial daughters of black/white descent, take the proper time to learn about their child's texture of hair.

Quite pathetic, really! /images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

[Integrity]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Amethyst said:
Hi Rayne /images/graemlins/wave.gif

What I don't understand is why do non-black women copulate with black men and expect their child's hair, etc. to take after theirs? Don't they realize it is a strong possibility that the child may take after the father's side of the family, than theirs? Shouldn't they prepare for it? A black man's Afro-textured hair was good enough to run thru when they were getting their "groove" on, so now why all the complaints? Food for thought /images/graemlins/up.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

well said! /images/graemlins/mad.gif

 

[LondonDiva]

Re: Well...

A relaxer at 2 /images/graemlins/shocked.gif /images/graemlins/shocked.gif I hope this woman didn't have the mindset that she thought the baby was going to keep the silky texture it was born with and when it started to change she wanted to relax it to keep it straight.

 

[pebbles]

Re: Well...

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
A relaxer at 2 /images/graemlins/shocked.gif

[/ QUOTE ] Sort of sad isn't it? Why traumatize a baby's hair or scalp with a relaxer? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

 

[LondonDiva]

Re: Well...

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
BrightEyes said:
I may catch flack for this, but I can't put all the blame on the White woman. Plenty of Black women have no clue how to handle 3c/4a/4b hair well.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/smile.gif True. Do you know how many times I hear "I don't want to have a girl baby because I won't know what to do with her hair" or "I can't be bothered to do her hair" What STUPID reason is that for not wanting a girl child. This is why I have to learn to cornrow because I intend to have children and you know what they are coming out with hair so I need to learn these styles before my kids look like don king.

Boy or girl. I'm growing my babies hair (when I have them). There is nothing cuter than a lil black boy with long well kept, healthy hair... /images/graemlins/scratchchin.gif um yes there is a little girl /images/graemlins/grin.gif