Pissed!!!My DD grandma snuck a relaxer in her hair!!!!

[firecracker]

Wow your step daughter's grandmother did the perm or a hair dresser? Well either way she was wrong but it doesn't seem like her Dad really was against it so that maybe why his mother took matters into her own hands. You got skills so tell her what she needs to do and nothing else if you can.

 

[sylver2]

Aww, sounds like you're starting to calm down a little now. Give it a couple more days before you talk to her. Maybe talk it out with your husband first so you know how to go forward as a united front.

Thank u this is exactly what we are doing. My aunt is also sitting down with us.

Sylver2,

I hope you're feeling better today now that you've had a chance to sleep on it (hopefully).

a lil better..thanks

For those who keep saying that "it's just hair", what the hell are yall doing as members on a LONG HAIR CARE FORUM then?

We are here for a reason. We are all slightly obsessed with our hair and healthy hair care practices.

The same folks who are telling you to "get over it" will be the same ones starting a thread hoopin' and hollerin' about how they got into a hair mishap and need to vent.

A Black woman's hair is her pride, thus the creation of this Forum.

It IS a big deal to some degree. Not the end of the world but having to look at it in the mirror everyday can make it harder for some folks than others.

A BC is a right of passage. A virgin relaxer is a right of passage. I understand your plight SYLVER and i aint even got kids.

SMDH at the folks saying "its no biggie....its just hair"...If it was "just hair" then explain the reasoning behind having a fotki, hair blog, product stash from hell, postin' threads & pics about your hair.

Thank you..great post

Wow your step daughter's grandmother did the perm or a hair dresser? Well either way she was wrong but it doesn't seem like her Dad really was against it so that maybe why his mother took matters into her own hands. You got skills so tell her what she needs to do and nothing else if you can.

Her grandma took her to the salon at least. Her Dad was definately against it..we both were...but once it was done. He just figured oh well its done now...but we all are having the family talk about it when she comes home from school. He knows it was wrong and told her so.

I'm so sorry this happened Sylver. You have every right to be furious at this blatant direspect.

Have you spoken to your daughter or her grandma yet?

have but not about this just yet. He had a huge argument on phone with her grandma about it.!! i didn't want to talk to her.

 

[firecracker]

Darn granny in hawt water now! I know you were devastated! I hope the daughter takes care of her hair and takes tips from watching you all these years.

 

[hopeful]

Hi Sylver, my daughter is 16 too and relaxed. I don't really know what to say, but that I'm so sorry this happened. It sounds like your dh had nothing to do with it, which is a huge relief! If my daughter went behind my back and relaxed I'd be upset, but if she conspired with someone else to do it, I would be especially heated, it's just so hurtful.

But Sylver, it sounds like your dd is a doll, with a sweet spirit. If in most areas she is a sweetheart and obedient and does her homework and doesn't stay out past curfew and speaks to you in a respectful manner, I would still punish her in some way but I would not be too harsh. This is a turning point in your relationship with her, I don't think you will look back on it and laugh, but you and her will look back and see how it changed both of you. I would share all of my advice with her and help her all I could. To be a teenager and have a mother that looks like you must be very hard, NOT SAYING WHAT SHE DID WAS OK THOUGH, I just think there is a beautiful lesson hidden in your turmoil.

 

[sylver2]

It seems the stylist relaxed her hair booone straight. It looks very thin and flat as I knew it would. . Her head looks big.
her face is not for this flat straight hairstyle. She looks better with coils, curls. I would of at least texturized/or texlaxed it. I will not be taking her to get touchups. She will grow this out and I will help her. Then we will find the right style for her hair together.

 

[sylver2]

Hi Sylver, my daughter is 16 too and relaxed. I don't really know what to say, but that I'm so sorry this happened. It sounds like your dh had nothing to do with it, which is a huge relief! If my daughter went behind my back and relaxed I'd be upset, but if she conspired with someone else to do it, I would be especially heated, it's just so hurtful.

But Sylver, it sounds like your dd is a doll, with a sweet spirit. If in most areas she is a sweetheart and obedient and does her homework and doesn't stay out past curfew and speaks to you in a respectful manner, I would still punish her in some way but I would not be too harsh. This is a turning point in your relationship with her, I don't think you will look back on it and laugh, but you and her will look back and see how it changed both of you. I would share all of my advice with her and help her all I could. To be a teenager and have a mother that looks like you must be very hard, NOT SAYING WHAT SHE DID WAS OK THOUGH, I just think there is a beautiful lesson hidden in your turmoil.

This is exactly her. She is not your usual teenager..lol. She never does anything bad. Thast another reason y this shocked and hurt me so. I def understand her neeed to fit in. I was her at her age...gettin teased. We are tallking about it and moving on
The rest of what u said makes a lot of sense. Thank u

 

[hopeful]

It seems the stylist relaxed her hair booone straight. It looks very thin and flat as I knew it would. . Her head looks big.
her face is not for this flat straight hairstyle. She looks better with coils, curls. I would of at least texturized/or texlaxed it. I will not be taking her to get touchups. She will grow this out and I will help her. Then we will find the right style for her hair together.

Excellent plan!!! Work it out momma.

 

[hopeful]

This is exactly her. She is not your usual teenager..lol. She never does anything bad. Thast another reason y this shocked and hurt me so. I def understand her neeed to fit in. I was her at her age...gettin teased. We are tallking about it and moving on
The rest of what u said makes a lot of sense. Thank u

You're welcome .

 

[Paradox]

It seems the stylist relaxed her hair booone straight. It looks very thin and flat as I knew it would. . Her head looks big.
her face is not for this flat straight hairstyle. She looks better with coils, curls. I would of at least texturized/or texlaxed it. I will not be taking her to get touchups. She will grow this out and I will help her. Then we will find the right style for her hair together.

NOT bone straight!
I can already imagine how thin her hair iserplexed
I am glad that she will be transitioning, just let her know that is not as difficult to transition as it may seem. I started transitioning at 17 from tex-laxed hair, it has been about 2 years.

 

[v2.0]

I'm sorry that this happened to you, but I am glad that you're coming around and will help your daughter with her hair. Good luck with everything.

Another poster said that natural hair is a choice and should not be imposed, but I disagree. We are born with natural hair not relaxed hair. It is the relaxer that is a choice that should not be imposed, especially if a child's parents are against it.

 

[Blaque*Angel]

What's done is done, but she is your daughter. All this advice about letting her hair fall out and stuff just isn't on. Tho how she went about this wasn't good, neither is being angry enough to not help her take care of her hair.

Natural hair should be a choice, not imposed. Nor should you "punish" her by forcing her to lose her hair to make your point. Relaxed hair can be healthy and well groomed w/ the proper tools and knowledge. How many of y'all resent not having this knowledge? How much worse it it on have the knowledge and withhold it?

Frankly, many of the responses are petty and mean spirited. This is your daughter! If you
choose to not trust her over this and carry a grudge, you might permanently damage your relationship. Is natural hair worth the risk?

the best post in this thread

 

[bgsix]

Sylver. I am sorry you are going thru this situation. It probably has already been mentioned ( I did not read the entire thread), but I think you should be your dd the most. She is old enough to know better. She probably planned it along with the grandma.

This will definitely be a learning experience for her.

 

[v2.0]

I hope they don't get stuck.

the best post in this thread

 

[girlcherokee]

i would be pissed off about this as well, but i i have to say that at 17(you rmember the age where you think you know it all but dont know didly squat) she is hugely responsible because she knew how you felt about it and she decided to go against it. maybe she just really wanted the look - does it look good on her?
i feel your pain though, cuz i get really po'd if someone goes against my parenting decision. and for some reason in family members feel they have the right to do this.

 

[girlcherokee]

This is exactly her. She is not your usual teenager..lol. She never does anything bad. Thast another reason y this shocked and hurt me so. I def understand her neeed to fit in. I was her at her age...gettin teased. We are tallking about it and moving on
The rest of what u said makes a lot of sense. Thank u

loved hopefuls post - i think she put it perfectly! and i am glad that you guys are moving ahead on this. life...

 

[HeChangedMyName]

OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!



Why would she even do something so disrespectful and simple. How do you normally keep your DD hair? is is pressed, afro, braided? I guess this was her back to school surprise I guess.


Well, what's done is what's done. Let's make sure you keep her hair healthy from this point. Did they at least do the relaxer right? Is is under/over processed? Do you think she needs a protein treatment if they left it on too long? Since your daughter is almost 17 and wanted this. Will you let her keep up the relaxer or are you going to make her grow it out? Don't let her get caught up in the thought that relaxed hair doesn't required the same maintenance like natural hair---I got tricked like that with my first relaxer and my hair got so damaged.

 

[Transformer]

I know this will sound simplistic...but "Everyone will get over this." My daughter is now 28. At age 15, I dropped her off at the hairdresser and when I returned...voila! she had a relaxer.

The good news is that was the last time it happen. Her hair became dry and brittle.

I stopped going to that hairdresser because it was sheer laziness and lack of knowledge....my daughter's hair would tangle badly but she is probably a 3 somethng and her straightens really well with just a rollerset.

We have a few good laughs about this all the time! At fifteen or seventeen there's nothing you can't get over! Now the huge lie she told at age 26 is another matter!

 

[flowinlocks]

Im not going to be thankful for a 'at least she's not preganant' c'mon now.

as minor as this may be to u. Its not to me. I'm not going to leave it alone. I will calm down and we will all sit down and have a talk about this. The behind the back sneaking is not to be tolerated ever again.

With all due respect, as a parent of a 20 yr. old. I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. You have every right to be angry. In my household trust and respect are #1 also, however as a parent I have learned that you must pick your battles. This is what I think is meant by (at least she's not pregnant) because as as much as we don't want to believe it our DD are not perfect angels (not that you believe yours is) I'm just saying, as a child you NEVER did anything your mom disagreed with? or better yet that she didn't know about? I think it's a fair assumption to say even the best kids , have kept things from our parents . Even if it's just someone showing us a adult mag at school, sneaking to try and talk to boys, not always being where we say we are. You get the point. LOL when I use to get on my daughter's case I use to tell her it was for the stuff I didn't know about also, cause I know for a fact little girls have a need to (seem) Innocent around mom & dad! The bottom line is you will NEVER know everything their doing. So IMO ,(and forgive me in advance if I'm overstepping my boundaries) I would sit her down and explain to her that she will have to suffer the consequences of rebuilding trust again, the next time she wants freedom to do something with her friends or whatever. I would give her advice if she needs it for her hair. The damage is already done, and IMO it's more her fault the the grandma's or dad's , cause it's not like she tackled her down to apply perm, she couldn't have did it if you DD had stood firm. None the less, Granny and and Dad would get a piece of my mind also , for not respecting my wishes.erplexed Good luck, I know you'll work it out when your blood pressure goes down.

 

[Honey6928215]

Lord, I was shocked to read this. That is a no-no! You have every right to be pissed at your daughter but I would be very upset at her grandmother as well because she should have called you and asked first. If she see your daughter's hair natural common sense should have told the grandmother that it's natural for a reason and she should have asked you before she went ahead and did that.

By her actions, her grandma shown no regards for your feelings and she completely disrespect you as a mother. I'm glad to read that your husband talked with her about this as well. But I wouldn't let the grandmother slide without my wrath either. She needs to know how YOU feel talking mother to mother. Ask her how would she feel if someone did that to her? Who knows maybe she had that done to her as well with her kids but still she should have ask for your permission regardless. Sylver, you really need to nip this in the bud because you don't want your daughter to get into the habit of going to her grandmother when she can't have her way with you.

But I would have a serious talk with the daughter first, then the grandmother and let her know how you felt very disrespected by her actions. And stress that the grandmother's actions shows that she can't be trusted when she went behind her back. She needs to earn your trust as well. I hope everything works out.

And you look fantastic to be 35.

 

[MissJ]

Dang, I'm pissed for you.

 

[sylver2]

the best post in this thread

you must not have read the entire thread then..yes it was a great post....for someone else. It did not pertain to me and dd.

 

[prettypuff1]

lol..thanks..i'm 35.

Girl quit lying... You look good

Anywho, I would be pissed with her too, but there is nothing you can do about it now. I would let her know her hair care is up to her now...

 

[sylver2]

Ladies Thank you so much for letting me vent about this.!! Back to normal. I asked a mod to close this thread now. I vented and the ladies gave me wonderful advice and problem is solved. I would just like it to die down now..lol. Its to long to read thru and i don't won't conflict starting up over things not being read or because of my vents.
Thank you Again ladies!!!!!!!!

 

[Allandra]

Closing this thread at request of the OP.

You're welcome Sylver.